Dear Body,

Dear Body,

It's been a long time coming for me to sit down and write this post for you. Quite frankly, you scare me and you'll have to excuse the fact that I had to take a shot for luck before I could stand and face you. Down the hatch, to the page.

You're beautiful. You are wanted. You are loved. You are even loved and wanted by the one person who matters most: me. I love you. I want you. I am so sorry that at times I make you feel unappreciated or low, but I am genuinely in love with you. All that you are.

Dear Hands,

I love the way you frame these keys. I love how hard you are working as I stumble through these words. I love your sturdy nails that grow to a perfect half-moon crescent. I love to look at you and the way you move and flow so gracefully. Your knuckles don't crack and I truly appreciate that as you know how much I hate that sound. I love your pyramid birthmark perched so gently on my right hand, pointed towards my fingertip. You've convinced me that I am clearly an Egyptian Goddess reincarnated. Thank you for knowing just where to touch and hold me and thank you for being so delicate and soft. Hands are my favorite part of the body on others and I am so grateful that I lucked out with a pair as beautiful as you. I promise I'll be better about lotion.

Dear Wrists,

I am so sorry. I am sorry I left small kisses from the razor I was once desperate enough to use. You have to know I did not mean to scar you. I only meant to wake myself up, remind myself of the fire in my deep red blood. But you have taken that scar and embroidered it softly into my skin, creating a stitch that constantly reminds me of how hard you fought to hold me together. And I love my Gatsby tattoo. It reminds me of the great words that have come before me that hold up my own. It reminds me of the overpowering love can be and where it can drive a man. It reminds me of beauty and hope and loss. Thank you for your grace under pressure.

Dear Arms,

I know that I need to tone your biceps, but you are lovely and lean nonetheless. You aren't the strongest but you do give some killer hugs. And I love that you hold my second tattoo, a reminder set between the mirror of my two scars. A message that we made it on the other side unscathed. I wish you were a bit stronger so I would feel safer, but you are still great.

Dear Chest,

I love your collar bone. I feel so sexy when it is on display. I feel like a ballerina and you inspire me to stand up straighter to show you off more. I love your breasts. They hang perfectly and fit perfectly in my hands. Yes, you are probably home to a favorite feature of mine, and a few others, but I'm proud of you. My chest makes me feel like a woman and feeling like a woman makes me proud. I probably like looking at you more than the general public (this fact is contestable, eyyyoooo)

Dear Waist,

You are so tiny and I love that I can wrap my arms completely around you and hold you together. You grab me that hourglass frame that I always envied so much growing up. Keep up the good work.

Dear Stomach,

Sorry for all of the pizza and late night burritos, but also I'm not sorry at all because we both know that I have never ONCE felt guilty about eating four burritos in one sitting. But it is my fault for making you feel ashamed for your size. I suppose that I'm growing on your little pooch. We'll get toned this summer and when we do, it will be in a healthy way. (Speaking of which, I'm sorry for trying to convince you to be anorexic in the seventh grade. Those were miserable times, but now we can both work on not paying attention to societal standards and do whatever makes us feel good and strong and healthy.)

Dear Hips,

...........It's you I'm most scared of. Scared to face what has always been my greatest insecurity. Your ass is too big from the side, you have love handles, you are too much for how small I am. But. Lately I am seeing more from you. I love what you add to my shape. I am so happy to have curves strong enough to part an ocean. And you are an essential part of that plan and the hourglass I love so much. You have my promise that I will keep trying to see the best in you. Because in the end, you are comfortable and you are mine.


Dear Legs,

Thank you so much for being so strong. All of those years of Irish dancing really left your calves strong and toned. I wish your feet wouldn't get so sore from running but I would like to start slowly toward the goal of running. I know, I'm not excited about it either but if anyone can carry me over that finish line, it's you. (probably... I mean, a car would do much of the same thing. Or a piggy back ride)

Dear Head/Face,

Another spot of contention. I'm sorry for being so critical of you. And for trying to force you into changing. ALSO for waxing your eyebrows. Sorry, but on a much more real level, not sorry. I like your dark eyes, they are mysterious and they look serious. And seriously well framed by my eyebrows, which pop so nicely. Thank you for being my selfie secret weapon. And thank you for the best hair ever.

Dear Body,

Part of the reason I am so insecure about you is because people seem to believe that if you openly love your body, you must be vain and pompous. People seem to think that by loving myself and being able to take a compliment without doubting it later will make me a terrible person. I do not want to be viewed as arrogant. Or overly confident. Plus there is that risk that as soon as I appear confident, I'll get rejected or laughed at by being confident about something ugly. That I'll get rejected because as it turns out, I'm not pretty after all.

But I think I am pretty. And I think that fear is pretty dumb. I think I am powerful, and a remarkable collection of all of the most lovely and horrible and neurotic atoms around. If someone is rejecting you, it is because of them. NOT US. We are so beautiful and strong. And fucking resilient. You have been hit and hurt and violated and you still perform and support me. You have carried me to so many amazing places. Body positivity should be admired, not punished or questioned. Women's bodies are always under scrutiny. But do not let society, or me, devalue you. I love you and I will be better at showing it telling you more often.

Body shaming must stop on every level. Thank you for letting me be vulnerable and hopefully inspire more love for myself. And for more people to love themselves.

I love you and I like you. Stay sexy.

Emma Jane Phelps

Let's be open to nature like this more.

easy girl

It gets easier not to pick at your nails,

the incessant pluck flick pluck. 

It gets easier to shut your eyes at night

without checking for bodies in your closet.

It gets easier to listen to those songs

again, the songs imbedded with evil.

It gets easier making friends who 

understand writing and withhold judgment. 

It gets easier to ease words out

of your brain the more you write.

It gets easier to admit the word rape

even with the acid it leaves in your mouth.

via *

in restless dreams I walked alone, narrow streets of cobblestone

My mother used to come into my room while I lay completely still on my bed, letting melodies drift across my skin and tattoo themselves on my arms and legs. She asked me why I always had such sad music on, letting my room turn a dusty blue as each sad song crooned through the night. Why did I need Jeff Buckley to hold my hands? Why were The Smiths brushing my hair off of my face and out of the hot tears that were plastering themselves onto my cheeks? It felt good to feel so much. If felt good to lay paralyzed by pain, remembering all of their voices and their promises, watercolor tears streaming down my cheeks. It made me feel more alive, this addiction to nostalgia. I’d let the chords swell until nostalgia was sweating itself from every pore. That’s when I’d pick up my pen.

Everything went numb. It was like the blood in my veins stopped flowing and all I could hear were ghostly laughs bouncing off the walls, just out of reach. There’s only so long that a heartbeat can sustain you before the blood stops moving and you need more. My blood sat there in my nail beds, gathering in crystallizing pools and freezing over, waiting for the spark to set it on fire again and set my pen in motion. Letters lounged on my cuticles begging to leap onto the page. That’s why I needed their voices. I needed to hear someone sing sadness so I could get lost in my own head. It’s amazing the trigger moments that happen when you surround yourself with the art of others.

via *

i resolve not to dissolve

Here's another resolution post to clog your feeds and minds at this time of year. I've seen posts of people saying they hate resolutions and some say they love them because it's nice to feel inspired, if only for the first month. Last year was the first year that I achieved any of my resolutions and that feeling of accomplishment stretched out over a year is really an amazing feeling. It's nice to work at something for an entire year and get it done. It's like the world's best to do list finally being crossed off.

I don't have as many resolutions this year because college is a thing again this year. But I do have a few.

1. Read 40 books in 2014
Last year I read 50 books and that was awesome. This year I want to read a few less to allow myself some time for school and junk. Yay books!

2. Finish my novel and have query letters ready to send out by October.
So I have my 50,000 words but I have a few more to go until the book is completely done. I hope to finish the first draft by at least March or April, edit all summer, send the book out by fall.

3. Get a 4.0 each semester in school.
I'm not letting college to to waste this time around. I'm at my dream school in my dream major. This will be my time. It will be all for me. I'm going to do the absolute best I can and settle for nothing less.

4. Read every book that is assigned to me in school in its entirety.
No sparknotes, no summaries. I want to read them all. HA we will see.

5. Do not let myself get washed away or dissolve.
I'm through compromising myself and my dreams. I'm done taking any crap from anywhere. I am my own person and I will live this life for myself before anyone else. I want to stay true to myself and who I am and never let my personality wilt for other humans. I like myself too much.

Not too many, nothing that I know I cannot do. No fitness crap that I truly don't care about. 2014 will be my year because I will make it mine.

Let's go, lovelies. Let's get this year.

via *

she has a sparkling personality

via *

For as long as I can remember, I've loved horoscopes and personality tests; anything that let me get a glimpse into my soul or my future. Any clues about who I am and how to unravel my mind. Any cosmic help for any situations I may find myself in. Love them all.

A week or so back Vaida on her gorgeous blog Don't Tell Anyone Arts posted about a personality test she took as part of her Blogtember challenge. I jumped at the chance to get an in depth look at my personality.

The test is based on Carl Jung's and Isabel Briggs Myers analysis of personalities. You can find the quiz here. After taking the quiz it directs you to a plethora of information about you. I'd love to see your results so if you do take this quiz, be sure to let me know. I love getting to know people this way. ALSO I found a Harry Potter character map where you can find out which Harry Potter character you are based on your results. Find that here! I am Dumbledore. So. Doing great.

Here are my results:

ENFJ: Extravert Intuitive Feeling Judging
I have a slight (11%) preference of Extroversion to Introversion.
I have a moderate preference (38%) of Intuition over Sensing.
I have a distinct preference (62%) of Feeling over Thinking. (Which explains a lot.)
I have a marginal or no preference (1%) of Judging over Perceiving.


ENFJs are the benevolent 'pedagogues' of humanity. They have tremendous charisma by which many are drawn into their nurturant tutelage and/or grand schemes. Many ENFJs have tremendous power to manipulate others with their phenomenal interpersonal skills and unique salesmanship. But it's usually not meant as manipulation -- ENFJs generally believe in their dreams, and see themselves as helpers and enablers, which they usually are.

ENFJs are global learners. They see the big picture. The ENFJs focus is expansive. Some can juggle an amazing number of responsibilities or projects simultaneously. Many ENFJs have tremendous entrepreneurial ability.

ENFJs know and appreciate people. Like most NFs, (and Feelers in general), they are apt to neglect themselves and their own needs for the needs of others. They have thinner psychological boundaries than most, and are at risk for being hurt or even abused by less sensitive people. ENFJs often take on more of the burdens of others than they can bear.

My info from the Harry Potter chart says: 

The Teacher. Warm, empathetic, responsive, and responsible. Highly attuned to the emotions, needs, and motivations of others. Find potential in others, want to help them fulfill it. May act as a catalyst for individual and group growth. Provides inspiring leadership.

Sounds excellent to me! I'll take it! Also Johnny Depp and Julia Louis-Dreyfus are also ENFJs. In good company. 

Let me know your results if you take this test! I loved all of this information, especially knowing being a teacher is in my personality. One step closer to being a professor :)