Showing posts with label Inspiration. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Inspiration. Show all posts

Be Prolific Series: Rod Heiss

Saturday, August 1

This month's interview was very special for me. I got to interview my Uncle Rod, an artist who has inspired me for years. I am so excited to share his passion and extreme talent with all of you. I have written about him before here and here but even those felt like I was skimming the surface. When I first decided to start this series, I had my uncle in mind. I had to know how I got my creative gift, something that has seemed to skip my immediate family. I wanted to know what was in his head, if we created the same. I'll tell you. What I learned from him during our interview has changed and inspired me and I cannot wait for you to read him.

Rod is a painter based here in Salt Lake City, Utah. His work is incredibly vibrant and emotional, the kind of work that is almost overpowering. Watching him speak about his art, his love of surfing, his near death experience, anything at all is amazing because he has an overwhelming vulnerability and passion for every single aspect of what he speaks on. Read on for a discussion of life, death, and the destiny of artists.

*All photos and videos in this post used with permission by Rod Heiss.

Me with one of my favorite pieces, "Dedication"

How would you describe your style of art and painting?

People have told me I'm an abstract expressionist but I don't like that term, it was used in the fifties and sixties. I like to say I'm an emotional expressionist. I like to be abstract, I suppose, but my painting doesn't feel abstract to me. It's more emotions and feelings. So I don't know how to describe my paintings except for emotional expressionist.

What themes do your paintings usually have?

Usually the themes are what I've gone through during the week. The colors will change dependingo n how the week has gone or even how the day is gone. When I do paint abstractly, but I've been delving into more realism now, I don't even have a plan in mind. The theme is that the actual canvas is my palette. Most painters have a palette to mix the colors and my canvas is the palette. The theme starts with the fist color I chose and then it evolves from there. I don't have a theme, I choose colors and then it turns into a point where you can tell my mood is based on how I chose the colors. They work and flow together. I try to keep myself free of themes. There's a Daoist quote I love that says, "Clay makes the pot but it's the emotions within that make it useful." That's what I do when I paint. You empty yourself of emotions that I get during the week. You're tired from work, you have a lot to think about and your vessel is getting full so when I paint it's getting emptied.
Number 17
At what age did you discover your love of art?

I don't know if you know the story behind it, Emma. I never was interested in anything creative, going to plays and museums was boring to me as a child. All the way until I was about 24, I wasn't even interested in drawing or anything. I even went to the Van Gogh museum in Amsterdam when I was 12 and I wasn't interested. I started noticing architecture in San Francisco where I'm from; I started noticing some interesting styles that the buildings had. My grandmother and I were talking about my interest and she said, "next time you come, let's go to the Marin County Civic Center." She had lung cancer at the time and couldn't walk very well but she said it was free to walk around the Civic Center as much as you want and she told me to walk around and enjoy. I fell in love with the building itself. Every time I go back to Marin County I go back to the building itself and I go to the cafeteria in homage to my grandma, your great grandma. 

This triggered something in me, the lines and flowing in the building triggered this creative need. That winter I came to Salt Lake City and I couldn't sleep one night. It was two in the morning and I found a PBS American Masters series with a documentary of Jackson Pollock. I never knew who he was before and so for that hour and a half I was mesmerized by what he did and how he painted. There is actual footage of him painting and that's the moment I said to myself that when I got home in a few days, I would buy art material and I'll start painting. I did my first painting when I was about 24 or 25 and I knew I had something. I was even able to see the painting that inspired me at the MEt and I sat down and looked at it for an hour and a half.
You have moved through a lot of artistic mediums. How do you decide which area of art to take part in?

It's all feeling. I'll give you a brief story about the switch from sculpture to painting. It was a drastic stop. Right now I don't do any sculpture, it doesn't even pop in my head. I was doing scuplture for around three or four years strictly. They would pop into my head at night, as many as 4 or 5 fully designed sculptures that I just needed to build. I took a trip driving a friend of mine to Virginia for grad school and while we were sleeping one night, I had this idea to start painting. And once that idea came, I was painting again. It was fifteen years since I did my last painting and that idea to get back to painting came back to me five years ago in June. I haven't touched sculpture, I just sort of stop.

I sort of find for me when my life... well... my sculptures are very structured and fine tuned. My painting is so organic but my sculptures almost look planned and when my life is in chaos and my life has no structure, my art tends to go into sculpture. I put form to the chaos. And then I met my wife, Marie, five years ago and my life became very structured and I wasn't use to where I ahd to be someplace at a certain time or home for dinner, I couldn't do this or that. I had to express differently. Now that I had this structure my art became free; I break away from this structure because I have structure in another place. It's the yin and yang of my creative. when I don't have structure, my art is straight forward and when I have structure I need to express it more freely.
Do you have a favorite medium?

No. It goes from place to place. I experiment. I'm a mad scientist. To paint sometimes I put paper down and I tear the wet paint on top of it to create texture. I have no set medium. The only thing that's really set is that the paint itself is acrylic but they way I apply it is different every time. 

When did you learn to surf and how did that affect your art?

It all came together from the years when I was about 25 to 30; they were my years of creating and when I opened my mind by studying art. I went to art school and it changed my life. That moment I went to school and started to paint the structure in my life dissolved and I saw the whole world, no blinders or anything. I didn't ignore anything and I wanted to experience it all. I was in the San Francisco Bay Area and there is a surfing spot for large waves called Mavericks in Half Moon Bay and I read an article about a Hawaiian surfer who came to surf there and he drowned. When I read that article I knew I had to surf. I was doing surfing, ski racing, sky diving, just to experiment with life.

Are you still as adventurous? 

Yes but I'm more cautious. Pain hurts more now that I'm 48. 

Are you working as an artist full time?

That's the goal but I actually build and design furniture and cabinetry for people's homes. That has been taking over my life for the last two years and art tends to be on the weekends but I am considered a professional artist because I've had shows and exhibitions around the country. I've had shows in New York City in Chelsea, in LA, Laguna Beach, San Clemente, here in Salt Lake City. I've had a lot of exhibitions here and an art show on the internet as well.
How long do each of your paintings take?

A few yeas ago when I was painting a lot because I had more time, on average the paintings took maybe half an hour. The way I paint doesn't take a long time but it creates something interesting. Recently paintings, because I'm getting into realism, takes me three or more hours. It also depends on the mood or the style. Sometimes it takes longer to mix the paint than to actually do the painting. 

What is your creative process like?

My process starts with seeing what's around me. I'm from the San Francisco Bay and I love going to the art galleries there. Once when I was really struggling with my creativity in this two month period of no painting, I saw this painting and it was incredible with these wonderful colors that were blending each together. I wanted to make it my own version, with acrylics instead of watercolors. My process goes from me having an idea and then sometimes halfway through a painting I see something and I change it right then. It's an evolution I think, something triggers something new. That's whre it starts. I need to paint and see how it all evolves. 

What other artists inspire you?

Pollock of course, Alexander Calder. I can name off some of the old ones. I've studied art for almost 25 years, reading the history. Picasso, Van Gogh, all of them. There is a recent artist and she is to me the most incredible artist. Her name is Jay Defeo. I saw her in New York and really, you don't see very many women abstract expressionists and for me, she is one of the most incredible I've come across. She lived in San Francisco and there is this beautiful painting she did called The Rose that I saw in the Whitney Musuem. It's 12 inches thick of acrylic paint. She painted it in her flat in San Francisco for four years. To get it out, they had to tear off the wall of the house to get the painting outside. She's astounding.
Can you tell me a bit about your near-death experience and how that influenced your creative drive?

Oh I knew that was coming up. It's a long story but I'll try to keep it short. There was a storm coming in to the Santa Cruz area from the Gulf of Alaska. We watched it for three days; surfers are very much weathermen. It was December 31st, New Year's Day. We decided to go surfing and when we got to Santa Cruz, it was completely flat. We searched all of the spots and finally we found a spot with semi decent three to four foot waves. It was mellow at the start but soon they turned from 4 fee to about 7-10 feet and when the currents changed I got stuck. I got hit by a very large wave and I got stuck in a space where the waves dig a hole in the sand that was about sixteen feet deep. Waves were hitting me every 15-20 seconds and they broke the leash that attaches me to the surfboard so I was stuck with no flotation device. 

The water was about 52 degrees and a wetsuit can only keep you warm for so long. I was losing all of my strength when a large wave came and held me under for a very long time. When I came up, I tried to take a breathe right when the net wave came and I breathed in all of the water instead. Every time I came up, I was just coughing as the next wave hit. I couldn't swim anymore after the 5th or 6th wave and this complete fear came over me and I still remember that fear and then the peace that came after it. They were so different. The fear of death when you know you are going to die is hard to explain but you have this total fear, not paralyzing. I kept thinking, "My friends will find my body in the morning." 

The peace that came after that was overwhelming. When you know you are going to die and it's ok. It's indescribable. I was content and happy and I was ready to die. I told myself that the next wave would be the last as I saw it build. I said i'll take one last look at my friends who were laughing at me at the time because they didn't know I was dying. I turned around and my friend was paddling out toward me. The look on his face was amazing because he saw how white I was with completely red eyes. He grabbed me and it took about a half an hour to get to shore. I wasn't any help and I felt bad.

That changed my life, not just my art. I went through PTSD for about seven years. The thought of "Why am I still alive?" was always there. I would get depressed and I had to leave if I was watching a movie or TV program when there was a life threatening incident or serious accident. I had a very negative point of view and I didn't do any art at that time. There was no creative because I was trying to deal with all of these issues. but it made my art and myself have even more of an edge that I needed. That accident still affects me to this day in my art. I want to look for the edge and I want to be on the edge of everything. I want to do something new, I can sit still and I think it's because of that experience. 
What is your favorite part of the artistic process?

The feeling. The excitement during the time of exploration. The adrenaline. I loved to put myself in dangerous situations because of the adrenaline. I get the same feeling when I'm in this creative mood. There is an excitement and adrenaline when I'm in the creative mode like something is going to happen. I've settled down a bit so painting is what does it for me now. 

How do you find inspiration in the middle of a dry spell?

Whew. I took a class at The Academy of Art College in San Francisco and it taught us about breaking out of creative ruts. It was all improvisation. They taught us that if you're in a rut, take something that you would not expect and start with that. Something you would never think of and start there. Like if I wanted to do a sculpture he would say, "How will you start?" And I said "Wood." And he would say "What is the opposite of that?" And I'd say "Chewing gum." And he said build on that.

That process has helped a lot. IT kicks your mind into thinking in the opposite of what you've had. I created a whole new style out of that trick. We start with something opposite and it ends up in your style. I've used that a lot. 

What's the hardest part of being an artist?

Fear. Fear of questions like is this creative mood going to stop? Am I going to get out of this rut? Is this painting going to turn out? I'm spending maybe $100 on paint, am I wasting that? I'm never afraid of rejection, it's not the fear of selling or not selling. My biggest one is am I ever going to create again when I'm in a slump? I hear artists always say I can't sell and I can't do this or that as an artist. Rejection is not fear. Fear is everything to a creative type. I think it drives them. It drives me. 
This is my favorite of his work. I like to think of it as an x-ray of my heart. 
Do you have a painting or work you are the most proud of?

My wife asked me once, out of all the paintings I have (which is about 600), which would I not get rid of. Once I finish a painting, it's done and I don't really need to look at it anymore. There is one. It's my fifth painting I ever did. It's black and green. Once I painted it, I remember it exactly, after I painted it and saw it i felt "I am an Artist." I would never sell that painting. That's the only piece of work that really has sentimental value to me.
What do you want people to get from your art?

Feeling. I do not want anyone to be nonchalant about my art, or just pass it by. I want people to comment either if they like it or hate it. I was in my apartment laying on the floor and in the entryway I have a very large painting and these two women walked in to visit the woman in the other apartment. One of the women said, "This is the most awful painting I have ever seen in my life! Why would anyone hang this up?" and I listened the whole time with a huge smile on my face. I loved it. 

There was feeling, it made them look at it and made them think. I love the positive comments and most of the people who see my work have positive comments. But I love the negative comments. At least you're looking. It's the not saying of something that kills me. I'd rather have you hate me and tell me you'd rather tear it off of the wall. I an handle rejections but I hate indifference.

What is your advice to young artists?

My advice is simple: Never give up if you have an idea. Experiment all the time. Find out who you are. An artist who doesn't know who they are can't create at all.
*****

A thousand thank you notes to my amazing, astounding, captivating Uncle Rod. Thank you all for reading and for choosing to create and live and share yourself like he does. These are getting more and more fun for me each month and I hope you are all enjoying them as well. Til next time, please check out more of my Uncle's work. He can be found through the links below:

a matter of truth

Wednesday, May 13

I think I've discovered some of the biggest secrets in life right here, shoved into my pillow case. There are some truths out there that are so seemingly obvious, so simple that they almost become a cliche. Cliches don't have a lot of respect in this world but they are cliched for a reason, right? Sometimes being reminded of those simple truths could save a life or fix a broken heart.

Here are some of the simple truths I have discovered recently. I hope that some of these can help you too.

You have to love yourself and you have to love others. At the end of the day, all we have is humanity and our fellow man. Human beings are capable of profound feelings that I will never begin to understand, but watching the insanity that is a human existence unfold before your eyes is a gift that deserves to be treasured. Treasure each other and treasure history. History matters because for all of these years on this Earth, those people who have come before you have cried like you, laughed like you, screamed like you, bled like you. Learn their feelings and empathize with those struggles. Go to those places that are screaming with history and soak it all in because the tens of millions of people that have passed through this Earth deserve that respect and our thirst for knowledge. We are all humans and that needs to be respected and loved.

Love yourself. Please, know how lovely and good you are and can be. The potential you hold in your fingertips could build empires or crumble everything into ruins. You can be unstoppable and beautiful. Help yourself down that path toward beauty and creation by loving your body and your skin and your mind. Have fun in this life and have fun in your skin.

Do not let anyone destroy you without your consent. Here is the biggest secret I have learned, my loves: You are in charge of who is in your life and at what capacity. YOU pick who surrounds you and what energy you let in. The Daisy Buchanan's in this world are gorgeous and they offer you pretty things. When a Daisy shines their eyes across you, it is easy to feel special and singled out but I promise you that you mean nothing to them. If someone tells you they are horrible or careless, believe them. They most likely mean it. And if they don't, what a horrible and juvenile lie for attention.

I went through a break up recently that was needless and cruel but it changed me so completely. I feel as though it made me more empathetic and less so. Less patient and more patient. Lovelies, you are not required to keep venomous people in your life. I felt so destroyed by being in this relationship that I just sort of... remained because I felt too small to leave. That was a horrible lesson but I'm grateful for it. You get to control how venomous people are in your life. YOU. You decide if you make the frightening decision to make it their responsibility to change or if you are smart and adult enough to suck their poison from your life. You get to decide how to live and change.

Change is so hard, I know. But if you know what to do, change. Let that rush drive you against a wall and suffer if you have to but I promise you that everything will get better and you will be ok. Don't let yourself stay miserable. Choose to move on. If you don't, remember your life and your misery is on you and nobody else. Life is too beautiful to miss out on because someone gives you such horrific anxiety that you can't eat for five months or because someone makes you feel small.

Fill your lungs with air, breathe in and out, and love. Love until your heart is full to bursting. Then fill it even more.

I love you. So so much.

via *

the gummy bears

Friday, January 30

When I look back on my life
It's not that I don't want to see things exactly as they happened
It's just that I prefer to remember them in an artistic way
And truthfully the lie of it all is much more honest because
I invented it.
Clinical psychology tells us arguably that trauma is the
ultimate killer
Memories are not recycled like atoms and particles in quantum
physics
They can be lost forever
It's sort of like my past is an unfinished painting
and as the artist of that painting
I must fill in all the ugly holes
And make it beautiful again
It's not that I've been dishonest.
It's just that I loathe reality.
...
The truth is
Back then at the clinic
They only wore those funny hats to keep the blood out of their
hair
And that girl on the left
She ordered gummy bears and a knife a couple of hours ago
They only gave her the gummy bears
I'd wished they'd only given me the gummy bears
-Lady Gaga, Marry the Night

via *

Dear Stephanie Perkins

Friday, August 22

It's been too long since I've had a book to gush about. A book that filled me up, made me it's prisoner, made me squeal like an idiot and made me believe in love and words. A book that sparks my insides and moves me to write and to read and to smile and to UGH very loudly.

Stephanie Perkins you win again. 

Last year I read Anna and the French Kiss swiftly followed by Lola and the Boy Next Door. I shared some thoughts on those two books here but to echo the sentiment a bit, these books moved me so much. These characters are just so alive and so beautiful and broken and unique. The way Stephanie writes is just electric and so full of love. You can feel this woman's passion and love for words and her characters soak through the pages.

She writes how I want to write. I love when you can tell an author loves their characters and I think Stephanie Perkins takes the cake there. I can almost feel her squealing with me when the characters kiss and getting frustrated with me when her characters aren't together. I like that I can feel how much love and care and attention each character gets. I like that the characters become my friends and that they are Stephanie's friends too.

I devour her books also. It's been a good summer for reading but good GOD I was not ready for the majesty of Isla and the Happily Ever After, the last book of her sort of, interrelated series. I don't want to give anything away by way of plot but here's the low down. Isla is shy and has always loved Josh, a broody hot artist who can't seem to focus on much. After a very awkward (and literally awesome) first official meeting over summer vacation, their school year in Paris becomes a lovely jumble of romance and sorrow and GUYS I COULD NOT.

One of the best parts of these books is that they truly transport you to the landscapes that they take place in. In Anna, you are swept away to Paris and you return back to Paris in Isla after some time in New York and some even more delicious time in Barcelona (STEPHANIE PERKINS I CAN'T WITH YOU). But one of my favorite experiences was reading Lola while I was in San Francisco last week. I mean, holy wow it brought the book to life in bursting colors. I drove through the Castro and picked the houses I though Lola and Cricket lived in and loved in. I bought some crazy dresses in the Haight and felt my Lola showing. She knows San Francisco and she paints each city she uses so lovingly and so beautifully.

My favorite line of Lola
I could gush about the intricacies of her books forever, how much I love the boys she writes (PS STEPHANIE PERKINS YOU ALSO SUCK BECAUSE I CAN'T PICK BETWEEN THE THREE OF THEM HOW DARE YOU), and how beautifully she writes her women. I can see pieces of all of them in me and that makes reading her books very fun and also very revealing. These girls have their faults and there are times when reading them revealed mine and I got so uncomfortable for a minute, but then so inspired. Like Isla for example. She is so hard on herself and she focuses on her past and Josh's past so much. I was so frustrated reading that until I realized that I do the exact same thing. Her books always seem to reveal me. It's because her characters are so damn realistic. It might seem easy to dismiss these books as easy to read or mindless romance but HOT DAMN do they get heavy and real and raw.

Stephanie Perkins is the writer I want to be and her words always wake me up when I need them to. I have been in the worst writing rut of all time. I feel like I have creative ADD. I sit down to write, feel so jazzed to be writing, and then I just can't. It feels empty and useless to try. I feel like I have nothing to say and no words to say anything. But her books excite me. They make me feel love and they make me feel a love of love in books. That feeling of getting so sucked into words that you cannot stop, you cannot and will not put it down. I want to write a book like that and Stephanie Perkins makes me feel like that type of writing is possible.

On her blog she has talked about battling depression. About how hard it is to write through it sometimes. I feel that pain so so much. Brains are assholes. Brains tell you you can't write or that you shouldn't or that people won't like you. And when that happens, bodies and words shut down. On one of her posts about depression, I left a comment for her about how much she inspires me. And guess what? She responded to me! :) She said "Thank you, Em. I'm so sorry that your brain is mean to you, too. I'm glad you're fighting it! Keep writing. I can't wait to read YOUR book someday. :-)"

...

...
......

ARE YOU KIDDING ME?! I was dying when that happened last year. And something more, I know she means it because she is just the nicest.

I know this post is all over the place but in the end, it has one purpose. Thank you so much Stephanie Perkins. Thank you for your books, your characters (particularly the boys but... how can I pick between the three ugh), your hope, your words, being you. Thank you for everything. Thank you for giving me my writing back.

I cannot wait for your next masterpiece.

desert pages

Thursday, May 15

The virgin pages of this sketchbook
were deflowered by charcoal and 
graphite in the desert.
Sweltering stars bore into my
retinas, begging me- urging me-
to paint their sparkles onto her cheekbones.
I could smell her lavender moans
mixing with the juniper and sage brush,
the aroma growing stronger with
every stroke of my pen 
against the sighing pages.
Her flesh prickles when I tickle
beneath her earlobe; I tickle
the page, as smooth as skin and just 
as mysterious Just as new.
Just as supple as her.
Page upon page glows like the 
innocence that drips from her lips
as mine move across her thighs in 
even, moonlit paths.
With the silence pulling her out of
my fingertips, the desert grows
ever hotter like our fire kissed 
summer nights in June. 
Silence and pen strokes.
Howling and longing.
She'll breathe on these virgin pages
and I'll live drunk on her caramel curls.

via *

*Inspired by the words of an artist I know

a prayer of inspiration

Tuesday, April 15

The wind is not nearly bracing enough tonight.
It's calming and balmy and chilly
while I sit here demanding hurricanes
and hail, the wind on fire coming to 
carry me away, to burn and to purge
with sandpaper skin sailing through my window.
I've tossed and turned in every reachable sea,
made my own oceans and drowned myself in them all
before the baptism could begin. 
It was a baptismal breath,
a barely palpable gasp into new being that
kept me clawing at the barricades
pushing me beneath the waves, into
catacombs crawling with spirits and spiders,
macabre reminders of dark days gone by.
The wind was silent then, is silent now.
It was lush and never lonely. 
It caressed and coddled
when I needed it to throw me down,
make me its rag doll.
Tonight, with the moon dancing in the breeze,
the jigsaw pieces meandering into place,
I'm craving destruction, the human spirit
quivering to feel confusion and pain. 
Feeling lost to feel found.
Cutting flesh to wrap it up.
Blowing towns to shreds to rebuild them.

via *

indulgences

Sunday, April 13

I could write a post telling you minute by minute the happenings of my literature conference a few weekends ago. I could tell you about the great friends I made, I could tell you about my plans to go back next year, I could tell you how exhausted I was after sleeping for maybe four hours all weekend. But that would be way too much for one post. It's probably too much for two posts.

But what I can tell you is the most important thing I learned that weekend. That this is attainable. Being a writer is attainable. I am on the right track, I can do this, I am supported and talented and eager and hungry.

We had three amazing speakers this weekend and the overwhelming theme of all of the talks was that it can be done. There are different ways to get it done, and writing is the hardest thing you could choose to do, but it can be done. The thing to look out for though, is ways the world will try and fight you on getting your work done.

Bret Anthony Johnston spoke with us and talked a lot about indulgences. People tend to see writing as a career as an indulgence. Well, really, any artistically driven career is usually seen as an indulgence. People think that you are so lucky to be able to work at your dreams and think it's so easy to just sit and write or paint or act. It's not. At all. Artistically driven careers are some of the most taxing career choices. Yes, I am doing what I love and that is wonderful and I'm incredibly lucky to be able to do what I love. But it's also so damn hard because it's something I love. I can't shut my work off at 5 pm. If I get hit with an idea at 6, I write that idea at 6. If I get hit with a poem at 3 in the morning, guess who stays up and writes. Because that's how I'll provide for myself. If I let those ideas escape, I'm flushing my career away.

Indulgences are what artists give up for their careers. Ron Carlson, another one of our amazing speakers, urged us to remember how important it is to be alone when you write. You have to shut yourself away and keep your ass in that chair while the ideas pool onto your screen. Don't stand up for that phone call, don't check social media, tell your friends you can't make it to the bar tonight. You have got to write alone. You have to give up indulgences so you can write or paint or act or work on a show. Most of my friends are in theater, which means they don't get to go out on Saturdays or Fridays because they are providing a place for others to go. If I have to finish a chapter or I get hit with inspiration, I have to forgo my dinner plans so I can write a scene for my character's dinner.

It is not an indulgence to follow your dreams. It is a necessity. Writing is breathing for me. If I didn't write, I wouldn't breathe. If that means I can't go to brunch every week or I can't stay up with all the books I have to read because I'm too busy writing my own, that is the price I pay. Bret said that the world makes it really easy not to be a writer or an artist. The world will throw better, more secure jobs your way. It will throw money at you. It will throw you miles of needless distractions that keep you away from your art. It's the writer's job to tune it all out, keep your ass in that chair, and bleed life into blank pages.

This is barely scratching the surface of that weekend and I have so much more to tell you. But I thought this was an important place to start. I wanted to start by saying that I believe in all of you artists out there. I believe in your poems and your watercolors. I believe in your acting and your stories and your lighting designs. Fight for your art. Never give in. Never give in to the indulgences around you. This is attainable. We will all get there.

via *

nightlight

Tuesday, April 8

It's harder to sleep at night knowing
I'll miss the stars and record players
Spinning in their galaxies,
These orbits outside my window.
Miles above the radiation-
Light years away from memories of
hands and tears nestling into my fingertips.
My shoulders closing in like book covers,
letting my heart be burrowed in my
word soaked ribs.
I curb loneliness with pages.
His spine is gone and yet five spines
have settled in my bed,
peaking at me under pillowcases,
laughing below my calve
and lounging beside me in my sheets.
The stars have the black matter to
nestle inside of but I have
my serpentine spines.
The night wears on and yet sleep
remains a shadow dancing on my wall.
Pages flutter with the breeze sneaking
in through the open window and
rattling the cages the characters share,
begging for stories to be told.
Go to sleep, I whisper, trying to
evaporate into the stars as they
beat against my brain and seconds
hoist their hands on toward daylight.
Another morning coming much too soon.
But I'd rather be tired and inspired,
heart on fire, fingertips wired to the keys,
than retired from the desire to create
and let these people breathe.

via *

words words words

Friday, March 7

Last night was the second in my series of four Young Adult writing workshops. But mostly, last night was the night I shared the first chapter of my book. Thom and Piper made a grand debut! I've never shown people my book (except you all seeing the little clips from November.... but you all aren't people. You are wonderful wonderful little gems who I love.) But last night I showed the first chapter to a successful current YA author and my writing group.

I have loved this writing group because we are all writing the same genre. There are a lot of variations in WHAT we are writing, but it's all YA. It's so helpful because you are getting criticism and feedback from people who know the genre and who are legitimately trying to help you. In my creative writing class at school, it's just an intro class so a lot of the people aren't literature majors or they are writing very different genres. Because the genres are so different, sometimes it's hard for them to critique my pieces because they are coming from entirely different worlds. But this group was tailor made for me. I really hope we can all find a way to keep writing together even after the four sessions are over. Input is so valuable.

But, I'm getting a bit ahead of myself. Let's talk about the first week of the workshop. The first week we had an editor and literary agent come and talk with us. When sending out query letters to agents, most often all you are sending to them is the first five pages of your novel. And. That's. It. So what if your writing in chapter three is flawless, all they are seeing is the first five. Anyway, one of the first things they said to us was that prologues are NOT a good way to go. A lot of readers don't even read them (which ASTOUNDED me. If someone has written something in a book, I read from 1 to the end.) This was a crap sentence to hear because guess what my book starts with.... a prologue. Shit. They also said you can really tell when words are a writer showing off and which are for the characters. THIS. This was important. I can name so many books where writers are merely showing off.

All of this was a huge wake up call. I knew that I wrote the prologue because I felt the first chapter of my book wasn't strong enough on its own. I need to pad my first five pages so an agent would read it and see that I really do have talent. That's not right. It should all feel strong. I should feel proud of all of it and not try to sneak scenes through the cracks, hoping they won't be noticed.

I also realized that my prologue was so self serving. This book is based on an experience I had. And when I wrote the prologue, I wrote it as me, not Piper. It was me mostly saying, here's this story "not about me" and here's why it matters to ME so suck it. It was more like a diary entry. The farther into the book I got the less that part even sounded like Piper. It was pretty words but it was all for me, not the reader or the characters. That's not my job as a writer.

So this week before the session when I knew I'd be sharing my first five pages, I rewrote the entire first chapter. I kept a few snatches of conversation but I rewrote all of it. And the group really liked it! The visiting author (who was very cute and talented) said it felt like a John Green novel!! Getting a small comparison to my favorite author is something I'll take lovingly! The majority of the comments were about how authentic and real my dialogue felt and they liked the characters. I'm on the right track everyone!

After I got home last night, I read through the critiques they left on my pages and rewrote the first chapter AGAIN. So now the first 8 pages have been changed. Three times. And while I was changing those around, I realized there is an entire plotline in the book that has to be taken out. I'm finally starting to understand how hard writing a book is. And I'm so excited. That's the biggest thing I'm taking away from these workshops. I feel so inspired to keep writing. Critiques aren't discouraging but encouraging! Readers see things writers don't and when I see some of their critiques it's like a huge duh moment of "why didn't I think of that? That's so much better than what I had!"

I always remember John Green saying that in Looking for Alaska his plot element about his main character's obsession with last words didn't make it into the novel until the 10th draft. WHAT. That is a main theme in the book; the book doesn't work without it! But knowing that excites me. If I'm this proud of what I've written so far, who knows what this book will become by the time it is published? We will have to wait and see.

Thank you all for supporting me and watching me grow. I cannot wait until the day I can share this book with you all. I love you all.

via *

be

Sunday, February 2

Be open
Be fun
Be wild
Be free

I know these are all words you've heard
a thousand times. Believe me, I know.
But don't let them hang in the air like frozen
snowflakes on a translucent phone wire.

Be open.
Open to change, open to growth
open to forever and open to now.
Most of all be open to yourself,
being who you are meant to be,
who the world needs you to be,
who you are afraid to become.

Be fun.
Go out and breathe fresh air,
play on a swing set because
you can. Make jokes with strangers
and smile at them. Let them know
it's ok to laugh, it's ok to let go,
it's ok to have fun without apologizing.

Be wild.
Kiss a random stranger,
wear the shirt you feel best in,
even if your mother hates it.
Dance all night and sleep all day,
continue the dancing in your dreams.
Let your hair tangle in the wind.

Be free.
Be. Breathe. Taste the world around you.
Walk through a crowded place
without faking a phone call.
Drive until you reach the top of a mountain,
get out and become the king of the world.
Don't be ruled by the weight of your own body.

Be. Be. Be. Be.
Be unstoppable and never settle.
Never let anyone tell you not
to listen to a cliche. Never give
anyone the satisfaction of tearing you down.
You're better than that.
You're better than them.

via *

two lovely thoughts today

Monday, December 9

"Anyone who doesn't write doesn't know how wonderful it is; I used to bemoan the fact that I couldn't draw at all, but now I am more happy that I can at least write. And if I haven't any talent for writing books or newspaper articles, well, then I can always write for myself." 

"I can shake off everything if I write; my sorrows disappear, my courage is reborn. But, and that is the great question, will I ever be able to write anything great, will I ever become a journalist or a writer? I hope so, oh, I hope so very much, for I can recapture everything when I write, my thoughts, my ideals, and my fantasies."

- Anne Frank

on the floor

Tuesday, November 26

I've moved out of my bed and 
onto the floor.

More room for the thoughts to blossom
and boom like fireworks and celebration guns,
illuminating the night and 
forcing you from your bed.

You dash to the windows and
see the sparks rain down.
The sparks never land, you know.
They dissipate just moments before 
the ground takes shape. 

They stay, 
hovering in space,
crawling in the air,
dancing in your dreams 
like the sugarplums 
in your youth. 

I spread myself onto the floor
and watch the sparks above my head.
They tickle my nose,
a loose ember catching in my hair,
setting it ablaze. 

Undulations, tribulations, tabulations,
formulations of forever and a day. 
Formulations of a single moment,
then twenty,
then a stream of consciousness 
spilling out onto the pages.

It's two in the morning
and I'm out of bed 
and on the floor,
laying in a garden of words,
watching the stars fall to Earth.

via *

Getting Rooted in New Zealand

Monday, November 18

A few weeks back a beautiful woman named Jamie Baywood contacted me about her book called Getting Rooted in New Zealand. I was so thrilled to read her book and even more excited for the opportunity to interview her after I read it. She sent me a copy and although some family stuff took over my time for a while, when I did get to read her book, I tore through it in one night. Oh my goodness. This girl can write. Also, she is one of the funniest people in the entire world.

Courtesy of Jamie Baywood
Her book is a memoir about her time in New Zealand. Jamie moved to New Zealand on a work visa to escape the dating scene she found herself in and to find some adventure. New Zealand has about 100,000 fewer men in the population than women, perfect for a girl needing a change and needing to avoid creepy men. (Side note, she found the creepiest people in California. Her stories about her past relationships are so phenomenally awkward.) Through her introspection about her past and mulling through her present in New Zealand, Jamie is able to find more of herself and finally get rooted in New Zealand, in more ways than one. (The best part of this book is the double meaning of the word rooted. So. Much. Yes.)

Courtesy of Jamie Baywood.
Look at how stunning she is. Prettiest ever.
She is an amazing writer. Her style is so conversational and open. She's incredibly honest and giving and you sincerely feel that she is a friend of yours telling you about her time living abroad. When she meets crazy men, you laugh and cringe with her. When she has a horrific day at work with her boss who is a one woman tornado, you get mad with her. When she meets a sexy Scottish guy and starts loving on him, you cheer for her. (PS Jamie... I was 10000% serious when I asked if Grant has any single friends. I love Scots. Hook a girl up!)

After finishing her book I sent her a few interview questions that I'd love to share with you. Here is our interview. Enjoy getting to know Jamie Baywood a bit more; I sure did.

Did you know when you moved to New Zealand that you were going to write a book about your experiences?

I consider myself an accidental author. I didn’t go to New Zealand with the intentions of writing a book about my experiences there. I had funny experiences that I had trouble believing were true. I wrote the stories down to stay sane. I wrote situations down that were happening around me and shared them with friends. The stories made people laugh so I decided to organize the stories into a book and publish in the hopes to make others laugh too.

My education is in fine arts, I didn’t write until I moved to New Zealand. I had a lot of art shows in California and New Zealand and even managed an art collective in Auckland. I was bored with the fine art scene. Everything has already been done before in painting, but I am the only person that can tell my own story. Writing feels like a more honest form of art than any other method I’ve tried.

Courtesy of Jamie Baywood
Publishing my book was my way of transforming poison into medicine. I hope that it can help people that have had bad dating experiences or bad work experiences – make them laugh and not give up hope.  I had good, bad and weird experiences in New Zealand and California. My experiences have turned me into a writer and I am extremely grateful for that.  People that read it either seem to think it’s hilarious or horrifying and I respect all points of view.  I hope my book Getting Rooted in New Zealand makes you laugh!

It would be impossible to write down every single thing that happen to me in New Zealand for over a year and it probably wouldn’t be interesting to read. My book is 100% true. These are 100% my experiences. I have changed some the names, but not all of individuals and organizations to preserve privacy. Most of the book was written as the events happened; it just took me a few years to work up the nerve to publish. To write my book Getting Rooted In New Zealand, I relied upon my personal journals, e-mails, and memories. In February 2013, I organized my stories into a cohesive narrative. It went through several rounds of editing and then I published in April.

When did you start writing? What got you started?

I had the opportunity to write and perform for Thomas Sainsbury the most prolific playwright in New Zealand. I performed a monologue about my jobs in the Basement Theatre in Auckland.  The funny thing about that experience was Tom kept me separated from the other performers until it was time to perform. I was under the impression that all the performers were foreigners giving their experiences in New Zealand.  All of the other performers were professional actors telling stories that weren’t their own. At first I was mortified, but the audience seemed to enjoy my “performance,” laughing their way through my monologue. After the shows we would go out and mingle with the audience. People would ask me how long I had been acting. I would tell them, “I wasn’t acting; I have to go to work tomorrow and sit next to the girl wearing her dead dog’s collar around her neck.”

What was the hardest part about writing this book?

I know my experiences in New Zealand are unusual, but to be completely honest it was an improvement from my life in California. Surprisingly, I seem to be getting the best feedback from people living in New Zealand both Kiwis and non-Kiwis.  I have received very kind emails from New Zealanders saying they enjoyed reading my book, they are looking forward to reading the next one and some encourage me to move back to New Zealand.

I love making people laugh more than anything else. I love hearing from readers that my book is making people laugh out loud. The hardest part has been when people don’t understand my humour. I have been in a lot of situations where I had two choices: laugh or cry. I’ve chosen to laugh. I write my experiences from a purely personal standpoint. Compared to other travellers who worked abroad in New Zealand my experiences have been very unusual. I would highly recommend everyone goes to New Zealand to experience their own adventure.

I think readers need to remember this is the dairy of a young, hormonal and confused twenty-something, this is not a travel guide to New Zealand.  I am sincerely appreciative of everyone that has read Getting Rooted in New Zealand. I’m absolutely grateful that readers are enjoying the book and reviewing it positively. I love making people laugh. I hope you enjoy Getting Rooted in New Zealand!

From the very beginning it is clear that you are very dedicated to your Buddhist faith. How did you find that faith and what hooked you to it?

In addition to being an accidental author, I am also an accidental Buddhist. I never planned to become either. I was introduced to the Buddhist practice that involves chanting Nam Myoho Renge Kyo through a friend. I was very reluctant to go to the Buddhist meeting with him; I thought it would be really weird. Much to my surprise hearing the chanting made me feel at home on a cellular level. I’ve always struggled with anxiety and at times depression, chanting Nam Myoho Renge Kyo calms me to the core.

Over the next few years, through a lot of chanting, going to Buddhist study meetings and reading books like The Buddha in Your Mirror I really learned to love, value and respect myself. For the first time in my life I felt really happy and the happiness came from within. The thing that I like about Buddhism is it is about taking 100% responsibility for your own life. The word karma translates into action. You can change your karma by changing your actions. Essentially, stop doing the same thing and expecting a different result. For me, needed to overcome my relationship karma by stopping dating guys that I knew were wrong for me.

Five years later I’ve now lived and practiced this Buddhism in five different countries: California, American Samoa, New Zealand, Scotland and now England. The practice is in 192 countries around the world and everywhere I go I have a built in community. Five years ago, I never thought I would get married. I’ve now been married for nearly two years and married the son of a knight in a castle in Scotland. My life has transformed in many ways other than my relationship karma, but I have literally chanted my way from trailer parks to castles.

You mention that New Zealand has one hundred thousand fewer men than women. Coming off of a few heartbreaks myself this idea to go to New Zealand is sounding pretty good to me! Was that the only reason you chose New Zealand?

I know it sounds like a crazy reason, but I needed a serious change in my life and felt I needed to leave the country to do so. I started dating my first boyfriend when we were fourteen and the relationship ended when I was twenty-three.  I had never dumped someone and didn’t have the life skills to do so. Between ages twenty-three and twenty-six, I would only date guys I knew I could dump easily. Not surprisingly, only dating guys with clear and abundant flaws that were easy to dump, created a lot of chaos and drama in my life. 

When I was twenty-four, I had my second boyfriend who I call Hank, in real life his named rhymed with Hank. Hank had a drug dealer that sincerely went by the name Stank. I took Hank to rehab, after that I had a string of crazy suitors and ex’s.  If you had Hank and Stank in your life, what other choice do you have, but to leave the country and become an author? 

By the age of twenty-six, I was actually much happier being alone than dating, but I was completely bombarded by guys trying to date me. I read in a New Zealand tour book that the country’s population has 100,000 fewer men than women.  I wanted to have some me time and an adventure. New Zealand seemed like a good place to do so. 

I found a work abroad company that helped young Americans get work visas in New Zealand and Australia. I had been watching a lot of Flight of the Conchords at the time and enjoyed Bret and Jemaine’s sense of humor and accents.  

(That Flight of the Conchords reference is further proof of how awesome Jamie is. Love this girl.)

I loved the story of the double meaning of the phrase "getting rooted" and after reading what that meant in New Zealand, the title of the book took on an entirely new meaning. Why did you decide to use that as your title?

My title is another way of laughing at myself. One night I was brushing my teeth with my flatmate and I said, “I'm really excited to live in this house because I have been travelling a lot and I just need to settle down, stop travelling and get rooted.” I had meant get rooted in the America way to settle down, lay down roots. He started choking on his toothbrush and asked if I was hitting on him. He explained to me what rooting meant in New Zealand.

I decided on Getting Rooted in New Zealand because it’s funny and the book is about rooting – both meanings of the word.

Do you keep in contact with any of the people you met in New Zealand?

I do keep in touch with most of the people I met in New Zealand. Some of my dearest friends in the world are in New Zealand. Although it is technically not home to me or my Scottish husband, it feels like home to us as a couple because that is where we met. We have been feeling homesick for New Zealand and really miss our friends there. 

Have you been back to visit New Zealand since you left with Grant? (Side note, Grant is this perfect Scottish man she met in New Zealand. Not to spoil the book but... I love love. :) Mostly Scottish love.)

We haven’t been able to go back to New Zealand or anywhere by plane. Although I was married in January 2012 in the UK, my marriage visa was not approved by the UK Border Agency until September 2012. During this time, I was not allowed to work, study, collect benefits or even leave because they had both my passport and my husband’s passport.  

I am currently on a visa in the UK called an Extension to Stay as the Spouse of a UK Citizen. This visa will expire in September 2014. We are deciding now if we should go through another round of visas for me to stay in the UK or if we want to try living somewhere else in the world.  We are seriously considering moving back to New Zealand next year. 

I can only speak from my own experience attempting to settle as a spouse of a UK Citizen.  I have personally found the level of bureaucracy in the UK makes the possible feel impossible.  

This is one the main reasons I decided to go ahead and publish Getting Rooted in New Zealand.  Due to my visa restrictions with the UK Border Agency, I’ve had no rights to work in the UK, but they couldn’t stop me from publishing my book. 

How was the wedding!? How is Grant? How is Scotland? How is your life now?


Courtesy of Jamie Baywood.
Sorry that they are the most attractive
couple in history.
I love being married to him. We got married in a little castle in his home town in Scotland at the beginning of year 2012. My husband wore a kilt. I was hoping for a white winter wedding, but we ended up getting sunshine in Scotland during the winter. It was a magical day; we had a rainbow over a loch, bunny rabbits hoping by us, birds chirping and a full moon reflecting on the loch at night. 

We still can’t understand each other if we aren’t in the same room and there are always new words or Scottish sayings I’m learning.  I hope I never stop swooning over his accent. Being married to a Scottish man is the best. I love the Scottish accent and all the words he uses. I love hearing wee in every sentence. He calls me wee fluffy bunny. I married the sweetest man. He is also incredibly kind, handsome and humble. 

Courtesy of Jamie Baywood.
This. Is. Perfect.
Time to move to New Zealand
to find my Scot.
Grant is very busy working on a MA in Landscape Architecture. This gives me a lot of time to work on promoting my book and attending book talks throughout the UK.For unwanted and complicated reasons we had to move to England last September. It was devastating to have to move out of Edinburgh to Sheffield, England last year for my husband graduate school. We will have to live here until summer 2014. We had more culture shock going from Scotland to England than anywhere else.

Rather than being displaced to a country I didn’t want to move to, I decided to be displaced with the goal of publishing. I’ve just completed a MA in Design. Designing, publishing and marketing my book was my dissertation project. 

I’ve never lived this far inland before. It makes me feel claustrophobic to be so far away from the ocean. I desperately miss the ocean and being warm at the beach. I really miss the warm, friendly nature of the people in the South Pacific. If money and visas weren’t an issue, (which they very much are) I’d love to go summer to summer between Edinburgh, Scotland and Auckland, New Zealand. 

What is your second book going to be about? When can we expect to get our hands on it?

I plan to divide my books by the countries I've lived in. My next book will be about attempting to settle in Scotland. I plan to publish it late 2014.

****

I would highly recommend this book to all of you! It was such a fun read and I loved getting to know Jamie through her book and through our emails. She's so cool and I cannot wait until her next book release. I want to follow her travels for as long as she writes them. :)

I would also like to thank Jamie for the opportunity to read her book and interview her. This was the best! Thanks again, Jamie!

Getting Rooted in New Zealand is available in paperback and ebook on Amazon:  http://www.amazon.com/dp/1482601907

Jamie Baywood can be followed on the following sites:
Facebook.com/jamiebaywood
Twitter.com/jamiebaywood
Pinterest.com/jamiebaywood
http://www.goodreads.com/author/show/7069448.Jamie_Baywood
amazon.com/author/jamiebaywood

Happy reading, lovelies! 

Let Paint Be Paint

Sunday, November 10

A few months ago I wrote a piece about my uncle Rod who is an amazing artist. As I was with my family this weekend I noticed that his legs were splattered with paint. I loved the sight of this. It reminded me of dedication, of how Fitzgerald and Shakespeare must have lived and breathed with ink under their nails. How Monet and Picasso moved in a cloud of paint and inspiration. I loved the idea of him never leaving the world of his work long enough to wash the paint off, but living constantly inspired and feeling ideas crawling across his skin. He must have the most beautiful mind, I thought. He must look at everything as though it were a painting waiting to be awoken.

Then a video of his work appeared on my Facebook. I sat transfixed by the flowing paint, by his words of inspiration, dedication, and liberation. This man. My uncle. He's my hero. He has decided to dedicate his life to his passion. Come hell or high water he will be gracefully coating canvases in paint and molding the world around him with his work. His work is so gorgeous. It's breathtaking. It's like nothing I have ever seen and I am lucky enough to be related to him. His confidence in his work, his persistence, his goodness in general is my biggest inspiration. His drive and the fact that he gets so entirely lost in his work is gorgeous.

Here is one of his paintings, just for a taste. You can also see my previous post about his work to see more.

via Art by Rod Heiss
Here is the video. Please please please spend a little time with my uncle and his paint. If you need inspiration, here it is, lovelies.


"When I slip into these shoes, clarity replaces confusion. Peace replaces fear. And excitement replaces routine."

Art is pure magic. It is pure love thrust onto a canvas. My uncle gave a beautiful talk at my grandmother's funeral. He said some beautiful things. 

"The one thing that makes a great piece of art is desire. The desire to connect and to share."

He discussed the elements of a great painting and a great artist.

"Technique. You must keep an open mind to techniques of other artists. Just because it's different or something you wouldn't do doesn't mean it's wrong.

Composition. You must bring forms together with flow and balance and harmony.

Dedication. When you look at good art, you feel their passion. When difficulties come, you keep moving forward."

All of this I feel when I see him, when I see this video, and when I see his work in real life. He is remarkable and the greatest creative inspiration I have in my life. At the end of his talk he said this sentence:

"A masterpiece is something that is transcendent."

He is transcendent. His work is transcendent. Creativity is transcendent. 

Please watch the video and love. Check out his gorgeous website and get to know him. You can find his website here and his Facebook page here. Go forth and spread creative love.

mantra

Monday, September 9

via Tumblr

gaga

Tuesday, September 3

"So. When I wrote the next song, it was one of the hardest things that I did because, you know, everybody went on about all the clothes, right? And all the makeup and the wigs and 'why does she always cover up?' So I decided I would use this opportunity to tell you why. Because the whole world is watching and what I wanted you to know is that like some of you, which is why I wrote Born this Way, I cared not for success, I cared not if people liked it. I cared only about that even just one person that it might touch. I was willing and will always be willing to risk it all for what I believe in. 

So here I am. The human underneath the wigs.

This is my real hair.

 And the reason for that is because what I was saying was like you, some of you, I've went through some really tough times. And tough times I've never really talked about. And I never talked about it because I didn't feel that I needed to use it for people to like my music. And I won't tell you exactly what it was now because, no need to be a downer, really. But I'm telling you because in order to write ARTPOP, I had to be willing to take off all the wigs and the makeup that I used to cover up the pain. And it's not that I don't love my wigs- I am my hair, obviously- it's just that I used them for a long time to become different people so that when I woke up in the morning and I didn't feel strong enough to be me I just created someone else. And it worked and it will work for all of you whenever you choose to do it. But in order to grow, be a better artist, and to become closer to you I knew I had to show you what's underneath all of the theater. So here I am. In order to get here, I had to climb through a lot of swine."
- Lady Gaga, iTunes Music Festival, September 1, 2013

This right here is why I have been a Gaga fan from day one and why I will continue to be one from here on out. She is real and raw and afraid, like all of us. She's not fake. She believes in what she creates. And look at how beautiful she is, natural and free.
via Tumblr
via Tumblr
This is a new song she wrote for her fans after she broke her hip and was unable to perform. Her passion and love of performance is something of her that has always inspired me and will continue to inspire me. Gaga, I love you. Also, I have been told we look alike. I'll take it.


Please give this song a listen. She is so talented. So beautiful. Let her inspire you too. Lyrics below.


It's off, it's on
The party's just begun
Take off, and run
Let's celebrate the fun of being young
I don't wanna grow up
I don't wanna grow up

But when the lights come on
You lift me up, and I feel strong

I won't be right without you
And I might break without you
I'd rather be poor and happy than rich and alone
I'll write hit songs about you
No matter how we'll get through
I'll keep on singing for a living, but I wanna be in love
And I wanna be with you
I wanna be with you

Lights off, lights on
The music has begun
More light, you run and get the bad guy's gun
I love the songs that you play
And I don't care what they say
Cause I was born this way

When I hear you scream, I hit the top of the stage
Close my eyes, I know exactly who I am

I won't be right without you
And I might break without you
I'd rather be poor and happy than rich and alone
I'll write hit songs about you
No matter how we'll get through
I'll keep on singing for a living, but I wanna be in love
And I wanna be with you
I wanna be with you

I won't be right without you
And I might break without you
I'd rather be poor and happy than rich and alone
I'll write hit songs about you
No matter how we'll get through
I'll keep on singing for a living, but I wanna be in love
And I wanna be with you
I wanna be with you

No matter what breaks me, I wanna be with you