simple little thoughts.

The lawn gnomes had all lost their hats
and the one that was my favorite, the one
that held a flower, had walked away from
our lawn after he pulled me into him
on my doorstep after our first date.

I pictured the gnome's little face twisted
into contempt as he started at this man
who had held my door for me all night
and smiled at me as I bought a book
in the middle of our date inside of a snow globe.

I used to have dreams that lawn gnomes
were hiding under my bed waiting to kill me.
As I grew up, the gnomes became much
scarier and moved from under my bed to
filling my mind completely with insecurity.

But I told him I hated mornings and that
I look horrible when I roll out of bed.
He looked down shyly and whispered
that he thought that would be impossible;
I'm happy my ring got left behind as I left his house.

It wasn't on purpose per se,
but I smiled knowing he would find it in the morning.

via *

daisy's last poem

It was with eloquent larceny that he
gained my eloquent heart.
He snuck inside with pernicious claws,
easily removing my brain and beating organs,
replacing it with liquid nitrogen and venom.

That first kiss felt like riding through
a carwash, locked inside
a phantasmagoric dishwasher of colors.
But all of my paint chipped clean away,
leading to a final kiss of lead and decay.

via *

Sweet 16

Hi team! Good hell, it's been a minute! I'm sitting in my bed on my adorable new MacBook Air getting ready for my last first day of school. Although getting here has been quite the struggle and I would rather get my teeth pulled than wake up for class tomorrow at 7AM, I am excited to be going back for my very last semester of my Undergraduate degree!

I know it's sort of (10 days) late for a Happy New Year Here Are Some Resolutions post, but my blog my rules, yeah? I've been sick the past few days leading up to my last semester and watching Django Unchained 8 times to make myself feel better. But this year I truly mean to make a new me. Maybe that's not exactly true. I lost myself a lot in 2015, whether by my own choice or by letting horrid people steal me away. But I am back with a vengeance. And I have some resolutions, damn it. And I'm putting them here so I feel that odd sense of ~requirement~ that sharing things with internet friends makes you feel.

• Read 45 books.
• I've met every single reading goal I have set in the past 4 years and I have no plans to stop that now. I am up from last year but down from the dream goal of 50, to allow time for school to take over my life. 
• Write a blog post at least once a week.
• Duh. I promise to be better. More poetry, more thoughts, more flash fiction. More writing, more me.
• Continue with my daily writing exercises.
• I got a beautiful new journal from my best friend Niki this Christmas and every day this year I have written a ten line poem as an exercise to stretch and continue my writing. Hopefully some will be decent enough to share here but I'm just glad to be writing continually again.
• Read every book assigned to me in my last semester.
• Easier said than done. We'll see. But I gotta make those student loans worth it.
• Finish at least the first round of edits on my novel.
• I finished my first draft of my first novel this last August and I intend to have my first round of edits done as soon as I graduate. That's step one to my big published dreams. Let's get it done.
• Take more time for my own mental health and stop letting people who hurt my brain in my life.
• Again, duh.

And there is my 2016! Life has been a disaster lately but it is slowing getting better and better. I can't wait to reconnect with all of you and watch your lives blossom too. Here's to Sweet (20)16!