the time has come, my little friends, to talk of many things

Sunday, January 5

For years- years- I've anticipated being able to go back to school. I've fought and cried and dreamed and yearned for the day in January of 2014 that I'd be able to get myself onto a campus full of hungry minds and thirsty eyes. I want to sit in classrooms full of students and share ideas and learn until my brain pounds from being overfilled.

Well, the time has come. School starts tomorrow. And I'm so terribly frightened. I'm afraid I won't find my classes (even though I've already been to campus and walked between them just to get the feeling of the path under my feet), I'm afraid people won't like me, I'm so scared I won't succeed and all of this planning and hope will be wasted.

What if I'm not good enough? What if I've spent all this time thinking I could write and thinking I was intelligent only to be told I'm not good enough or ready for this? I hate so much that anticipation drives the brain into a grave of fear and hesitation. Every semblance of confidence has evaporated and now I'm just so scared of failure and future.

I'm afraid of failure, but I'm afraid of success too. Success means that things have to change. I have to grow up. The thought of actually achieving your dreams is a heavy thought. What if I'm not ready? What if I'm never ready?

I am excited. I think. I'll be more excited after the first few days are over with and I know for certain I can find my classes in 15 minutes and I know for sure where to park my car. Just have to breathe, right? Everyone has been afraid before, right? Everyone has had first days? Everyone has made it?

Send good thoughts, lovelies. This past year while I've been waiting to start school, you have all kept me motivated and going. The support I've gotten from all of you has been the biggest blessing. I love you all to the moon and back. Thank you for coming on this journey with me. Thank you for taking a part of my little life in my little corner of the internet. You are all the very best.

via *

14 comments:

  1. we are in the same boat lady!! soo nervous, but we are going to rock this!!

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  2. "I want to sit in classrooms full of students and share ideas and learn until my brain pounds from being overfilled."

    if that is what you want, everything will be fine :) the most important things are determination and wanting to learn, and it sure looks like you got very much of both :) uni is all about finding yourself and growing up, and the changes you'll experience are so important. it's normal to be feeling this way, but i'm sure you will love it. good luck the first days!! x

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  3. Dont worry.... you'll do great!...you'll find new friends, new paths, new hobbies, new interests.... it's a new phase in your life where you'll discover more things about yourself...enjoy it!
    Good luck tomorrow!

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  4. Hey you! If I could thump you in the head right now I would (lightly, of course), just to get rid of all those thoughts! I know you will absolutely fine, and I see your talent here on your blog, so I have no doubts that you will go above succeeding.

    On your first day do the opposite of what you're doing now. Think of how amazing school will be, and how amazing you will be in a few years. The changes you will face will only be great, in some way. Growing up can be a lovely thing!

    Lot's and lot's of good luck for you.

    Laura xx
    www.lauraslw.com

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  5. you're one of those people who don't just TALK about doing things, but actually go out and DO them. best of luck today <3

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  6. As someone who has been through most of his English Degree at the U, let me just say, your peers are not going to be that impressive. Just take your Critical Theory classes serious as heyell, don't worry about Dworkin giving you a C for no apparent reason, and carry on. I promise you, you will be the most impressive student in the room (unless you are in a class with me next fall).

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  7. You're literally going to do great! :)

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  8. Emma, you are one who is able to inspire others. You are going to school with the purpose of learning and teaching others. Your purpose will drive you to succeed and one day before you know it you will be a college professor inspiring hundreds and thousands of young minds!

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  9. okay--i do the exact same thing before every semester. i'm worried that my ideas have somehow staled in the time i havent been in school, i worry i won't make any friends, that i won't learn anything worthwhile. & every semester i am totally proven wrong.

    you have a passion for life that is SO contagious, even just through the internet! i'm sure it will infect those around you and inspire them as well. good luck, you are a brilliant human!

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  10. You will be great at school! Don't be nervous! Good things are heading your way :)
    xo TJ

    http://www.hislittlelady.com

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  11. You'll look back on this and wonder how you got so used to the exact nooks and crannies of the campus. The best part about these classes is that the people want to be there and have just as much of a thirst to learn as you do (mostly). We all fear failure, but that's what makes us human.

    Good luck! Keep us updated. :)

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  12. I'm graduating in a few months now, but I still remember my first months getting lost on campus and feeling like I'm in a wrong place, but those 3 years passed so quickly, that my confusion seems a bit funny now. it's been a great time for me and I bet you're going to enjoy it so much! good luck to you! x

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  13. i know i'm a little late here, but i hope your first day went well! and i hope it lives up to all of your expectations (but how can it not? you're so determined and focused, i know you will make this work no matter what) sending all good thoughts! x

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  14. college is the best time of your life. embrace it. have fun. learn lots, sleep little, make new friends, do something wild. i LOVEd my college experience and will forever cherish it. you'll learn and grow so much - and your confidence will grow more than you knew possible. best of luck, friend! ENJOY the adventure!

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Thank you for your words; they light a fire in my heart. You are lovely.