hush

My mouth tasted like screaming. Everything was silent but I could still feel the hum of the scream on my teeth and in my fillings. The darkness I woke up to was hollow and foreign although I could smell my bedding surrounding me. I stared into the black and waited to feel settled in my own flesh again.

I tried to remember the last time I felt settled in my skin. Remembered childhoods spent skipping through sprinklers in tiny bikinis and never sparing a thought about if my stomach was sticking out. Popping a blood blister in my palm while on the monkey bars, blood pouring down to my elbow until it stained the teal dress I was wearing. I remembered trying to find my mom in the crowd of people at the park, blood drifting further down from my hand and no one coming to help me. It was the first time I felt alone and vulnerable.

I felt it again as I sat in my bed, blood peeking through the center of my lip where I'd peeled the skin while I slept again. I gripped the edges of my blanket and licked the blood off slowly, letting the taste of copper replace the taste of screaming. I'd hoped I'd only screamed in my dream and not in real life. Then again, nobody was dashing into my room to hold me this time either.

via *

5.27.14

The birds started chirping at about 5 AM. I know I'll regret staying up all night writing while sitting through seven hours of class today but this sunrise smells like sugar and summertime sings so softly in these pale hours. 

midnight musings

-I love being so excited about a new part of a story you're writing that you can't sleep at night.

-I hate being so excited about a new part of your story that you can't even write it down because thoughts are coming too quickly and too powerfully.
-sometimes i get scared to write because I don't want the first draft to be bad. so I just don't write.
-that is no good.

-memories sting in the best of ways, don't they?

-as cliche as it is, I adore Hamlet

-I can't decide if my master's degree should focus on creative writing or literature.

-that scares me.

-when it rains i feel more focused

-when it rains i feel more lazy and ready to cuddle into being unproductive.

-i like sitting in empty bath tubs after the water has drained. The porcelain stays warm long after the water has left.

-when smells sneak up on you, nostalgia burrowing into your soul, you go numb for a moment. 

-i love going numb. 

via Favim.com

pretty little things

-sitting awake in a dark room, writing. The entire world is asleep but me. Late night musings:

-old hollywood

-lily allen
-sunlight filtering through old fashioned perfume bottles.

-cracking open a new notebook
-shadows on bare human skin

-perfectly lined eyes
-twisted sheets on a shared bed

-warm summer driveways
-marie antoinette

-flowing human limbs