checking in

Sunday, May 11

I miss you all so much. It's been busy and bruising but I'm still here. I'm very happy with work, although being in a theater for 14 hours a day moving set isn't as fun as it sounds (does it sound fun?)
I've made wonderful friends and I'm always surrounded by so much glowing, booming life. I love the collaboration of theater and the life these people bring. They truly make the walls hum with life. They have the rhythm of life in their hearts.
It's odd to feel lonely among that. Loneliness is an interesting feeling, isn't it? Because sometimes it's just one different kind of loneliness out of the one million different kinds of loneliness.
I have the rest of stage crew with me, but I feel lonely when the entire cast is laughing together. I'm fully content at being alone but watching Grey's Anatomy from the beginning and watching those people fall in love makes me ache for that kind of real love. I want to kiss someone softly every morning, as if it were a habit, something I get to do every single day. I want to hear his voice behind me telling me everything will be ok and know he's right because he loves me and that's all I need anyway.
I am truly so happy for everyone who has found their bliss.
I am truly so sad for everyone who feels lonely or unheard.
I am so sad for everyone who will die alone.
I am so sad for everyone who can't remember the last kiss they shared with the one they love and will never feel those lips again.
I am so sad for everyone who has decided that hatred is the most viable coping mechanism for sorrow or pain.
But I am so happy I have all of you. I'm sorry I've been gone, but I will be back soon.


  1. we are romantics dear.. I crave for that love I see in Grey's Anatomy and other tv shows and movies... not to mention, books!...oh yes! the love I read in books is much more desirable than the one I see... I remember the first time I read Pride and Prejudice.. or Jane Eyre, gosh...I got goosebumps all over and butterflies in my stomach just by reading Jane Eyre's thoughts about Mr. Rochester....
    I'm sad for the same things that make you sad... mostly I'm sad that I'll end up and old spinster, a lonely wrench, I know I will be alone forever... I do believe that once you give your heart away, you can never ever get it back... I don't think that's my case anyway..
    Loneliness is tricky... if you learn from it, you will find it pleasurable and comfortable, even soothing at times (I know I do!)...but if you don' will only cause you sorrow.... enjoy loneliness..embrace it..and when you don't feel like having it..then don't... go out and look for something or someone... even a record player will bring you awesome company..I couldn't live without music..
    anyway...seems like the theater life is taking a toll on you... just be sure to get enough rest when you need it, recharge and go back again..enjoy the experience while they last! of luck, lots of love, xoxo

  2. Theater sounds so interesting and fun. :)

    I think this is my first comment on your blog. I just want to let you know that I like your blog. Keep writing.

    PS: Because of some technical blogger problems, I was unable to follow your blog but I have it in my reading list. I think I am following you now. :)

  3. loneliness is the oddest feeling... most particularly when you are surrounded by so much. it's unexplainable but i feel you, girl. i'm happy to have you too, keep your heart strong my dear.

  4. "out of the one million different kinds of loneliness" so true. You make longing palpable with your words.

    still, may i say, the theater work sounds exhausting but also pretty fabulous...


  5. theatre is wonderful because underneath everything that's going on, there are real people. i have always thought that everyone in theatre feels a little sad, because they are confronted with so much feeling and so many stories that it's hard not to get wrapped up in it.

    take care dear emma.


Thank you for your words; they light a fire in my heart. You are lovely.