I miss you all so much. It's been busy and bruising but I'm still here. I'm very happy with work, although being in a theater for 14 hours a day moving set isn't as fun as it sounds (does it sound fun?)
I've made wonderful friends and I'm always surrounded by so much glowing, booming life. I love the collaboration of theater and the life these people bring. They truly make the walls hum with life. They have the rhythm of life in their hearts.
It's odd to feel lonely among that. Loneliness is an interesting feeling, isn't it? Because sometimes it's just one different kind of loneliness out of the one million different kinds of loneliness.
I have the rest of stage crew with me, but I feel lonely when the entire cast is laughing together. I'm fully content at being alone but watching Grey's Anatomy from the beginning and watching those people fall in love makes me ache for that kind of real love. I want to kiss someone softly every morning, as if it were a habit, something I get to do every single day. I want to hear his voice behind me telling me everything will be ok and know he's right because he loves me and that's all I need anyway.
I am truly so happy for everyone who has found their bliss.
I am truly so sad for everyone who feels lonely or unheard.
I am so sad for everyone who will die alone.
I am so sad for everyone who can't remember the last kiss they shared with the one they love and will never feel those lips again.
I am so sad for everyone who has decided that hatred is the most viable coping mechanism for sorrow or pain.
But I am so happy I have all of you. I'm sorry I've been gone, but I will be back soon.
Showing posts with label Grey's Anatomy. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Grey's Anatomy. Show all posts
Paging Dr. Grey
Saturday, August 10
Well I've done it! I completed my first week as a dental assistant intern in a dental clinic! Just call me Dr. Meredith Grey up in here. Alright, well maybe the procedures I've been assisting with and observing aren't as pressing as surgical cases but they feel pretty intense when you are inexperienced and interning.
It was a great week all in all. It's gonna take some time getting used to working adult people hours, though. I've worked at retail jobs over the years full of night shifts and weekends and now I'm a real working class hero working 9 hour days 40 hours a week. As hard as the adjustment is, I'm pretty excited to be moving up in the world, away from retail and all that jazz. And I loved feeling like I earned my weekend.
The hardest part of the whole experience thus far is being new at everything. It's always hard to start new jobs and new careers and I hate feeling unprepared and inexperienced. I'm used to being good at what I do and being on top of my game. But this is an entirely new animal for me and I'm having a hard time not knowing what I'm doing. I know that I'm new and I am learning fast and it will come with time. I just have the nasty habit of discouraging myself while I'm learning. I want to skip the training part and just be GOOD at my job. But practice makes perfect and I did get to assist a few times this week, and certainly more this coming week. I am picking things up pretty quickly, which is nice. But I tell you what, dental assistants have so much to remember.
Assistants have to know each step of every procedure so we can anticipate the needs of our dentist. He shouldn't have to ask for an instrument; we should just put the instrument he needs in his hand. I watched an extraction this week (WHICH WAS AWESOME!) and the entire room stayed silent through the 45 minute procedure. The assistant and oral surgeon didn't speak to each other, they just seamlessly passed their instruments back and forth. You could have heard a pin drop in that room. (Or teeth being pulled, which was AWESOME.)
The best part about being an assistant is patient care, though. That's what I've picked up on the most in my first week. People get nervous and people LOVE to talk and feel supported and I love that part of my job is to be there for them to support them and answer their questions. I've been lucky enough to avoid any difficult patients and I have met some of the sweetest people. A deaf woman came in and I was able to speak a little sign language with her as she smiled up at me as we prepared to get her a crown. The sweetest little girl had her first cavity filled and reached up to gently take my hand throughout the procedure. I made my first temporary crown on an older gentleman and he was so sweet to sort of bear with me while I took my sweet time to make sure I wasn't making any mistakes. He even thanked me for being so sweet and pretty and said that he'd bring me homemade cookies next week when he comes in for a filling.
Working with people is what I love to do. I love being the person they can rely on for support and kind eyes peeking up over a dental mask. Everyone craves to be heard and comforted and to me that's the most important part of my job. So even if it takes me a hot second to remember the steps of a root canal, I can be the best support the patient can ask for. I don't know how long I'll be working as a dental assistant. It's hard to find a clinic that can work with a college school schedule but I am loving the time I do get to work as one. Lots of learning is happening and so many wonderful people are stepping in to my life. I am so happy.
It was a great week all in all. It's gonna take some time getting used to working adult people hours, though. I've worked at retail jobs over the years full of night shifts and weekends and now I'm a real working class hero working 9 hour days 40 hours a week. As hard as the adjustment is, I'm pretty excited to be moving up in the world, away from retail and all that jazz. And I loved feeling like I earned my weekend.
The hardest part of the whole experience thus far is being new at everything. It's always hard to start new jobs and new careers and I hate feeling unprepared and inexperienced. I'm used to being good at what I do and being on top of my game. But this is an entirely new animal for me and I'm having a hard time not knowing what I'm doing. I know that I'm new and I am learning fast and it will come with time. I just have the nasty habit of discouraging myself while I'm learning. I want to skip the training part and just be GOOD at my job. But practice makes perfect and I did get to assist a few times this week, and certainly more this coming week. I am picking things up pretty quickly, which is nice. But I tell you what, dental assistants have so much to remember.
Assistants have to know each step of every procedure so we can anticipate the needs of our dentist. He shouldn't have to ask for an instrument; we should just put the instrument he needs in his hand. I watched an extraction this week (WHICH WAS AWESOME!) and the entire room stayed silent through the 45 minute procedure. The assistant and oral surgeon didn't speak to each other, they just seamlessly passed their instruments back and forth. You could have heard a pin drop in that room. (Or teeth being pulled, which was AWESOME.)
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| At least dental assistants don't have to be used as chairs anymore. Via Oral Answers |
Working with people is what I love to do. I love being the person they can rely on for support and kind eyes peeking up over a dental mask. Everyone craves to be heard and comforted and to me that's the most important part of my job. So even if it takes me a hot second to remember the steps of a root canal, I can be the best support the patient can ask for. I don't know how long I'll be working as a dental assistant. It's hard to find a clinic that can work with a college school schedule but I am loving the time I do get to work as one. Lots of learning is happening and so many wonderful people are stepping in to my life. I am so happy.
A Bazooka in my Chest
Friday, June 28
So. I have finally torn my eyes away from Grey's Anatomy long enough to post something that's been pulling on my brain for weeks. More like... with help from Grey's Anatomy I finally have a metaphor that suits what I've been feeling for weeks.
Remember that episode of Grey's where the paramedic has her hand in a guys chest and then they find out that there is live ammunition just waiting to explode inside of him? Then Meredith goes and is the best human alive ever by placing her hand inside his chest when the paramedic freaks out. (Real quick... remember when that paramedic was Christina Ricci? What even...?) This episode had me crying like a child. Granted, I have cried about 95% of the time while watching Grey's. I can't with this show. I can't with life. It's all too much.
I'm moving to Salt Lake in one month. One month. Not only that but in one month, I'm starting a new job, leaving an old job, leaving home, leaving my dogs, leaving school. All of this is awesome. All of it is exciting and I'm thrilled about it. I've been aching to move into Salt Lake since I came home from Cedar City a year ago. So why all this anxiety?
It's like high school graduation. You spend three years knowing it's coming and even in the last month of your senior year, it doesn't feel real. Then the next thing you know, you're standing in front of your mirror in your cap and gown.
That's what all this feels like. I've known it was coming and I've fought so hard for it to come. But now it's here and I'm so scared. I'm scared of leaving familiarity and jumping into a new world. More than living in the city, I'm afraid of starting a new job. I've trained for dental assisting for a year now and I'm good. I'm really good but I'm still learning. I now get to jump into an internship and continue to learn and then I'm working. I know they don't expect me to be perfect but what if I don't live up to the expectations? What if I'm not ready or capable?
And I have to relearn to live on my own again. I lived in Cedar by myself for two years and loved it. I loved the independence and the freedom to be an adult. But I've gotten used to coming home to the house I grew up in. I've gotten used to my old bedroom. I love the way it smells and I love my dogs being here with me. Now I get to live in a new house with new people in a city I've never lived in. I love Salt Lake and I've experience it a bit, but living there will be different.
I'm scared of not making friends in Salt Lake. I have some friends there but what if I'm not a city person? What if Salt Lake hates me and the people there don't like me? I'm afraid of being alone and unliked.
I've never been one to be afraid of change. I embrace change and I smile and work through it. So why am I so afraid this time? I'm just so tired. It's anew kind of adult tired. Stress tired. I am constantly in school and working and when I have any free time I just want to lay in bed and cherish my last days in that room. And rest my body in hopes that my mind will let itself rest. But it won't. It's on a constant loop of worries and things I have to get done before I move.
I just want to be ready. I want to move slowly and steady enough to embrace this new chapter while not missing anything of my old chapter. I want to slowly remove the bazooka in my chest cavity before the worry eats me up. Any advice as to how I can do this, let a girl know. I'm sick of feeling like I'm in limbo. I don't want the anxiety to overshadow the excitement and possibility anymore.
This was super rambly but I think my brain needed to purge. YAY PURGE BRAIN.
Also.. If you don't already. Watch Grey's Anatomy. It will change your world. K. Bye.
Remember that episode of Grey's where the paramedic has her hand in a guys chest and then they find out that there is live ammunition just waiting to explode inside of him? Then Meredith goes and is the best human alive ever by placing her hand inside his chest when the paramedic freaks out. (Real quick... remember when that paramedic was Christina Ricci? What even...?) This episode had me crying like a child. Granted, I have cried about 95% of the time while watching Grey's. I can't with this show. I can't with life. It's all too much.
 |
| Image Via greys.wikia.com |
It's like high school graduation. You spend three years knowing it's coming and even in the last month of your senior year, it doesn't feel real. Then the next thing you know, you're standing in front of your mirror in your cap and gown.
That's what all this feels like. I've known it was coming and I've fought so hard for it to come. But now it's here and I'm so scared. I'm scared of leaving familiarity and jumping into a new world. More than living in the city, I'm afraid of starting a new job. I've trained for dental assisting for a year now and I'm good. I'm really good but I'm still learning. I now get to jump into an internship and continue to learn and then I'm working. I know they don't expect me to be perfect but what if I don't live up to the expectations? What if I'm not ready or capable?
And I have to relearn to live on my own again. I lived in Cedar by myself for two years and loved it. I loved the independence and the freedom to be an adult. But I've gotten used to coming home to the house I grew up in. I've gotten used to my old bedroom. I love the way it smells and I love my dogs being here with me. Now I get to live in a new house with new people in a city I've never lived in. I love Salt Lake and I've experience it a bit, but living there will be different.
I'm scared of not making friends in Salt Lake. I have some friends there but what if I'm not a city person? What if Salt Lake hates me and the people there don't like me? I'm afraid of being alone and unliked.
I've never been one to be afraid of change. I embrace change and I smile and work through it. So why am I so afraid this time? I'm just so tired. It's anew kind of adult tired. Stress tired. I am constantly in school and working and when I have any free time I just want to lay in bed and cherish my last days in that room. And rest my body in hopes that my mind will let itself rest. But it won't. It's on a constant loop of worries and things I have to get done before I move.
I just want to be ready. I want to move slowly and steady enough to embrace this new chapter while not missing anything of my old chapter. I want to slowly remove the bazooka in my chest cavity before the worry eats me up. Any advice as to how I can do this, let a girl know. I'm sick of feeling like I'm in limbo. I don't want the anxiety to overshadow the excitement and possibility anymore.
This was super rambly but I think my brain needed to purge. YAY PURGE BRAIN.
Also.. If you don't already. Watch Grey's Anatomy. It will change your world. K. Bye.
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| Image via Tumblr |
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