pour me a drink and pour your eyes over me.

You've always been the dangerous one. First I was your secret, your play thing, your high school taste. I was a risk you took, a risk to your cool factor, the image you'd molded of yourself as a bad boy, the streetwise one. If I was such a secret, doesn't that make me the dangerous one? I know you more than you'd like me to. But you never stayed away.

Your hair was always long, but even longer now. You moved closer to me and I breathed you in: the smoke, the liquor, the past. Fogged up windows, hushed breath, so much history. And years later I still feel your hands, the first hands. 

I was hazy quickly. You called it forward action, I called it liquid luck. I watched you from my booth, I pressed myself agains the wall, I let my eyes bubble up the length of my straw until I saw you looking back. 

That band is loud.

That band is shit.

That band gets better the more you drink.

You slid into my booth again and I slid my hand across your back, down your leg. Your hand found my thigh. Don't let them see. Maybe this isn't such a game after all. 

I'm told your eyes were on me when you sang. I know I was staring right at you. You were eating me alive. Everything burned, like guitar strings against calloused fingers. 

As we left, there you stood smoking. Or talking. It didn't matter. I grabbed your face. I kissed you like I knew I would. I couldn't even tell you why. 

I can only write about you with an elevated heart rate. With bass lines piercing the silence. When I dance in a dark room all alone. Maybe it's because I only feel you when my heart is racing and my nerve endings feel alive and tingling. You are the dangerous boy, after all. You make me feel dangerous. 

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music ramble

Tonight at the Imagine Dragons concert (!!!) the lead singer finished his opening song then said this:

"Are you ready to let go tonight, Utah? Are you ready to completely let go?"

My heart was already spinning and somersaulting because of this guy's rippling biceps and the pounding drum beat but then he won my heart over entirely. Yes, sir, I was ready to let go. I danced, I screamed, I cried, I lived. I felt so incredibly rejuvenated and so centered and complete.

I love watching live music because you can see the melodies flowing out of the musicians mouths and fingertips. I love seeing someone living their dreams. There is always one moment where they look so completely overwhelmed and where the good artists are genuinely so grateful that they have this amazing opportunity to inspire and connect with so many.

I know it's cliche but music truly is one of the most incredibly powerful forces on this Earth. It's so healing and connecting. I love seeing people get carried away in music, whether they are the listeners or the performers. These guys let themselves go. They let themselves dance around the stage and bounce with their guitars. Dan, the lead singer, got on his knees to beat a drum. He threw his head back and screamed. He even put his shirt in his mouth while he played, biting down hard because he couldn't contain his passion. (ALSO SIDE NOTE... neither could I. Good lord this man is unreal. Just... I want to wrap my body around his bicep. It's not weird.)

After the show as I was driving to IHOP with Niki, I thought about how powerful music really is. How that moment when the entire arena was dark except for the starbursts of cell phone light sprang up in the blackness will shine in my heart forever. About how bland life would be without those certain songs there to make sense of everything. About how there are times that the only way you can get a message across is to shove headphones in someone's ears and say "just listen to this. It's every single thing I am feeling."

Tonight after the show I felt such peace and such a creative jolt as well. During the show too. I felt stronger and confident. Radiant. I feel at peace with myself now. It's been a journey this week, as you all know. I feel like I've walked a thousand miles in a matter of days. I guess traumas will do that to you, you know? I feel like if a love of my doesn't work out, yeah it will suck but I will heal. I am a great person with so much to give. And you know what? I have music to keep me company and heal me and propel me.

Ever have those experience when you've heard a song a billion times but then you hear it one night and it's like hearing it for the first time? The words take new shape. They lift your heart up for examination and hold it out to you. That was tonight. You change, sometimes without even knowing it, and suddenly a song sticks out to you. A few words change everything.

This was a ramble of a post, but it's also 4 in the morning. Share some of your favorite music with me, lovelies :) I'd love to listen. I always want to be inspired.

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