I cannot wait until a man looks at me like that.
I cannot wait until I find my person.
I cannot wait to feel the peace of having my soulmate by my side.
I cannot wait to feel love again.
I watch TV shows and movies now and when I see a couple in love, instead of thinking "I want that man with ME" I think "I am so happy they found each other. These two souls have crossed paths somehow and made a beautiful, complete relationship. (Note... there are some characters that do belong with me. cough cough Jay Gatsby cough cough.)
A lot of people seem to call this attitude foolishly hopeful, young, inexperienced. But you know, as young as I am, I have had my fair share of experiences venturing in to the storm clouds of relationships and love. I've seen smooth sailing, I've seen stormy seas, and through it all my little boat has managed to hit land and endure, a little cracked but still afloat. What breaks us in the world, what rips our strings until they snap is what makes us hopeful.
"I'm not saying that everything is survivable. Just that everything except the last thing is."
- John Green, Paper Towns
I was talking again with the dentist I'm currently working with when he asked me about my family. I told him my parents were divorced and he asked me why their relationship didn't work. I was surprised by his question but I slowly answered "They were different people. It wouldn't have worked no matter how hard they tried, I think. I wasn't there. I can't know."
His eyes softened a bit as he thought for a moment. He smiled a bit and finally said:
"I'm sorry for that. But you know, relationships take a certain amount of science. It's like fusing two metals. You can take two base metals, two ugly metals that don't belong and through fire and heat, they come together to make an alloy, a high noble metal with such great value. But first, they have to start out weak and broken and ugly. You have to be very broken to come together to form something beautiful. Year after year of being broken and torn down lead to the heat of another person and after being broken down some more with them, you become this beautiful high noble. You have greater strength and greater resistance. And it's because you have them with you."
Let yourself be broken, let the fault lines rip you apart. Feel everything, but don't be afraid to fall in love again. I have fallen in love four times in my life and after each time, I thought there was no way I could ever feel whole again. But each time I let myself fall again, I felt my faith grow stronger instead of letting myself lose hope.
The more broken, the more beauty is locked inside, the more precious of a metal you become.
Quote is from The Book Thief <3