Tightrope to the Sun: Walking Irony

Wednesday, August 7

Time is flying this year, isn't it? Was it not JUST New Year? I remember New Year so vividly like it was yesterday and so much has changed. It was 7 months ago! It's gonna be Christmas tomorrow at this rate.

I sort of hate how time flies. And just like everyone always says, it goes faster the older I get. Good lord, I'm only 21. Time better simmer down if I plan to enjoy being 30 eventually. I just find it amazing when big things happen after loads of planning and time. It's like your high school graduation. You know it's coming for 13 years of school. You know it's always on the horizon. But one day you wake up, slip on your graduation robe, adjust your tassel, and have your dad drive you to your graduation. It feels surreal and is over so fast, just like everything amazing in this life.

I've spent so long planning for my future and now it's here for the most part. At least, the future I've been working towards for two years now. January is on her way, which means I finally get to be back at a University studying English like I want to be. (Brief side note, how DARE America not speak like the British do by saying "I'm at University reading English instead of majoring in? Real missed opportunity there.)

As excited as I am to get on my way to my dreams and my future, I'm so scared to leave where I am right now. I love my little twin size bed in the room I grew up in. I love having my dogs around me. (Real talk, I'm the saddest to leave my girls. Unbearable. Un. Bear. Able.) I love how my bed smells. I love my small town. I love knowing what I'm doing.

I like to be the best at things. I like to be good at what I'm doing and know what I'm doing. I hate feeling unsure or stuck in limbo. However, I love adventure. I'm walking irony. I love new things, but I hate being imperfect. I love new bedrooms and decorating, but I hate leaving my home. I thirst for new places and new people, but I'm so afraid to be hurt. I love irony and I hate it.

I'm human juxtaposition.

This is a weird sort of word vomit of a post, but writing catharsis is always needed, yes? Not all words are flowering and pretty, but some rambling is needed for the flowers to grow.

via Tumblr

words

Confess to yourself in the deepest hour of the night whether you would have to die if you were forbidden to write. Dig deep into your heart, where the answer spreads its roots in your being, and ask yourself solemnly, 'Must I write?'

-Rainer Maria Rilke

Vitality shows in not only the ability to persist but the ability to start over.

-F. Scott Fitzgerald

That is part of the beauty of all literature. You discover that your longings are universal longings, that you're not lonely and isolated from anyone. You belong.

-F. Scott Fitzgerald

There is nothing to writing. All you do is sit down at a typewriter and bleed.

-Ernest Hemingway

Study broadly and without fear.

-John Green

Writing is hard. Not as hard as not writing. Not writing is torturous, bloody, chaotic, and a gruesome winless battle. A writer who writes, knows peace, lives connected to truth. Not writing is ache, betrayal, death of the soul and imagination.

-Coco J. Ginger

6 comments:

NatalyAugust 7, 2013 at 10:41 PM
Where are you going for university?! I'm with ya, girl. I'm moving out in a month and it is freaking me out. So many changes (which I'm excited for) but it's nerveracking. The future is here! Sometimes I still find myself saying (I can't wait for December/some date/etc. But I really don't want time to go by fast! I turn 22 in December and it's FREAKIIIIING me out. University will so so much fun and you'll have a ball studying English. Best of luck, girl!
sAugust 8, 2013 at 8:43 AM
you want to know something weird? when i read your blog for the first time, i thought for sure you were from england haha something i saw the other day kind of like that quote (i'm going to quote it wrong but hopefully it comes across) - worrying is a waste of imagination......
Sarah August 8, 2013 at 10:04 AM
I can't believe how quickly time goes by...
There was a time that all I wanted was for time to move faster, now I'm terrified of how fast it's moving. I'm also grappling to really realize that this is the future I was waiting for..
UnknownAugust 8, 2013 at 10:42 AM
'Not all words are flowering and pretty, but some rambling is needed for the flowers to grow.'
these are golden words, Girl! I really know how you feel. I'm 21, and somehow I passed all this already. I left home more than 2 years ago. Was sad to leave people, home, friends.... but what's real and honest will stay next to you till the end of your life. So don't be afraid, go for everything what's ahead! cause life is amazing. new people, new experience.. everything. even being hurt is good. you learn a lot about yourself, and others. there's always a price to pay, but you always get something because you're paying. and how you will take it - depends only on you!
Good luck!
So glad to find your blog. It's awesome! X keep it up!
meg birdAugust 8, 2013 at 12:51 PM
First of all, I completely agree about the English people saying "at University." And quite a few other things.

Second of all, I never thought it was true, that life goes by fast. But, to my horror, it really does! What is happening?? Your post made me think of the new year as well - feels like a few days ago. And before we know it, it'll be five years from now.

"I'm human juxtaposition." I love that. Amen.

The unknown can be so exciting and so scary. I love familiar things. But without braving the unknown we'll never get anywhere.
lauraslwAugust 10, 2013 at 1:57 PM
Your words are so striking and relatable. I completely agree with your "walking irony" comment, I feel I am the same! Let's cross our fingers for time to slow down. I hate how you can look forward to something for weeks and weeks, then poof! it happens and is over just like that.

Laura
http://lauraslw.blogspot.co.uk

Thank you for your words; they light a fire in my heart. You are lovely.