words words words

Last night was the second in my series of four Young Adult writing workshops. But mostly, last night was the night I shared the first chapter of my book. Thom and Piper made a grand debut! I've never shown people my book (except you all seeing the little clips from November.... but you all aren't people. You are wonderful wonderful little gems who I love.) But last night I showed the first chapter to a successful current YA author and my writing group.

I have loved this writing group because we are all writing the same genre. There are a lot of variations in WHAT we are writing, but it's all YA. It's so helpful because you are getting criticism and feedback from people who know the genre and who are legitimately trying to help you. In my creative writing class at school, it's just an intro class so a lot of the people aren't literature majors or they are writing very different genres. Because the genres are so different, sometimes it's hard for them to critique my pieces because they are coming from entirely different worlds. But this group was tailor made for me. I really hope we can all find a way to keep writing together even after the four sessions are over. Input is so valuable.

But, I'm getting a bit ahead of myself. Let's talk about the first week of the workshop. The first week we had an editor and literary agent come and talk with us. When sending out query letters to agents, most often all you are sending to them is the first five pages of your novel. And. That's. It. So what if your writing in chapter three is flawless, all they are seeing is the first five. Anyway, one of the first things they said to us was that prologues are NOT a good way to go. A lot of readers don't even read them (which ASTOUNDED me. If someone has written something in a book, I read from 1 to the end.) This was a crap sentence to hear because guess what my book starts with.... a prologue. Shit. They also said you can really tell when words are a writer showing off and which are for the characters. THIS. This was important. I can name so many books where writers are merely showing off.

All of this was a huge wake up call. I knew that I wrote the prologue because I felt the first chapter of my book wasn't strong enough on its own. I need to pad my first five pages so an agent would read it and see that I really do have talent. That's not right. It should all feel strong. I should feel proud of all of it and not try to sneak scenes through the cracks, hoping they won't be noticed.

I also realized that my prologue was so self serving. This book is based on an experience I had. And when I wrote the prologue, I wrote it as me, not Piper. It was me mostly saying, here's this story "not about me" and here's why it matters to ME so suck it. It was more like a diary entry. The farther into the book I got the less that part even sounded like Piper. It was pretty words but it was all for me, not the reader or the characters. That's not my job as a writer.

So this week before the session when I knew I'd be sharing my first five pages, I rewrote the entire first chapter. I kept a few snatches of conversation but I rewrote all of it. And the group really liked it! The visiting author (who was very cute and talented) said it felt like a John Green novel!! Getting a small comparison to my favorite author is something I'll take lovingly! The majority of the comments were about how authentic and real my dialogue felt and they liked the characters. I'm on the right track everyone!

After I got home last night, I read through the critiques they left on my pages and rewrote the first chapter AGAIN. So now the first 8 pages have been changed. Three times. And while I was changing those around, I realized there is an entire plotline in the book that has to be taken out. I'm finally starting to understand how hard writing a book is. And I'm so excited. That's the biggest thing I'm taking away from these workshops. I feel so inspired to keep writing. Critiques aren't discouraging but encouraging! Readers see things writers don't and when I see some of their critiques it's like a huge duh moment of "why didn't I think of that? That's so much better than what I had!"

I always remember John Green saying that in Looking for Alaska his plot element about his main character's obsession with last words didn't make it into the novel until the 10th draft. WHAT. That is a main theme in the book; the book doesn't work without it! But knowing that excites me. If I'm this proud of what I've written so far, who knows what this book will become by the time it is published? We will have to wait and see.

Thank you all for supporting me and watching me grow. I cannot wait until the day I can share this book with you all. I love you all.

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growing where I am planted

Before getting too far in to talking about myself, I wanted to thank all of you so much for such a giant outpouring of love and support after my last post. It helped so much being able to walk around campus on my first day knowing that I had so much support and that you all believe in my so much. I am so lucky to have all of you :) Know that you are all loved. Every single one of you.

Anyway! I have now been in school for three days and my goodness. I am in love with it. It is everything I have ever wanted and everything I have never felt before. I leave every class with that delicious mixture of exhaustion and enthusiasm that drives me forward. My brain has been working non stop since the first day. I cannot wait to talk with you all about some of what we have been discussing in class :) I feel so hungry for this academic world and being surrounded by thinking people is a treat.

As much as I hate how long it took for me to get to the U and get to this point in  my life, I know that I wouldn't have been ready for it until now. I needed to be so sure of myself and my future before I started at this massive school where it is so easy to be lost and unsure of yourself. I know what I want, I know I can achieve it, and I cannot wait to make a name for myself.

I adore my professors. Signs of their brilliance: I'm taking a science class called Natural Disasters: Hollywood vs Reality. On the first day the professors says, "So, there isn't a super rigid syllabus because that's not my style. Also... during each class there is usually one big natural disaster. So, until that happens... we will just wait for disaster to strike and then study that." Then my Lit professor said this, "So, I prefer not using electronics in class but if you have to just... like... don't click on any pornadoes, yeah?" PORN. PORNADOES. Done. Done forever.

They are all so progressive and passionate and daring. I cannot wait to absorb everything they say. The homework is so much reading and I can feel my brain muscles flexing. I have never been this tired or this moved to keep working and writing. I'm getting all sorts of story inspiration! Now I just need time to write... :)

I cannot wait to keep going. It sort of feels like I've already been back in school for 600 years and it's only been three days but I already feel brighter and better. More soon, lovelies. I hope everyone is having as good a time in school as I am.

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on the floor

I've moved out of my bed and 

onto the floor.

More room for the thoughts to blossom

and boom like fireworks and celebration guns,

illuminating the night and 

forcing you from your bed.

You dash to the windows and

see the sparks rain down.

The sparks never land, you know.

They dissipate just moments before 

the ground takes shape. 

They stay, 

hovering in space,

crawling in the air,

dancing in your dreams 

like the sugarplums 

in your youth. 

I spread myself onto the floor

and watch the sparks above my head.

They tickle my nose,

a loose ember catching in my hair,

setting it ablaze. 

Undulations, tribulations, tabulations,

formulations of forever and a day. 

Formulations of a single moment,

then twenty,

then a stream of consciousness 

spilling out onto the pages.

It's two in the morning

and I'm out of bed 

and on the floor,

laying in a garden of words,

watching the stars fall to Earth.

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september orange

A gasp of sunlight pulls through

the September orange coating the walls,

curling with the winds and rains

of an approaching storm.

The eloquence of your heartbeat

grows stifled and changed,

enumerating your fears,

encapsulating them,

dragging you down.

A moment of grace deflowered by regret.

A breath of tomorrow exhaled by desire,

inhaled by reality.

Em

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messy mind

When I love something,

                                            I take sever ownership of it.

Like I have some deeper

                                                          Understanding and love of this thing.

When really

It's just different.

Except my favorite song. That's mine.

Mine

mine

Mime

Some days I feel less like a person,

more like a mime.

Going through the motions,                                                                       

Vastly unnoticed,

slightly creepy

ever watching.

Watching

watching

Waiting

Waiting for change,

                              dreading its arrival.

Ever feel like you 

                             sabotage yourself?

I do.

I slow myself down

                                     so change won't come.

Come

come

Came

Change has already

                         come and gone

And I'm fine.

                                      I survived. I flourished.

Flourished

flourished

Flounder

What if this is the time

                                I flounder and fail?

Don't think that way.

Believe

Hope

Blah blah.

BLAH.

I take ownership of things,

                           get competitive.

Volatile.

Stifled and stilted.

Stiff and sly.

I see people with similar

                             passions, dreams.

They inspire me,

                        intimidate me.

Drive me. 

There's enough success for two.

Good vibes to them=

                                good luck for me.

Sharing is caring,

                            it's first grade.

After all,

                                it's all first grade.

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Audible Adderall

via We Heart It

I'm sure we are all in agreement about the spectacular gift that is music. No blog is complete without a music appreciation post, I think. Music is one of those universal joys that has a way of connecting the masses and liberating souls. Lilting melodies dance in our hearts and bursting beats break our minds apart before rhythmically pulsating them back together.

It's a rare moment when I don't have music playing. It's on when I study, when I write or read, when I drive, in the background while I talk with friends. I even leave playlists running as I sleep. Music inspires me and calms me. I love feeling it surround me and press itself into me. There is a song for everything. 

Is there anything better than catching someone tapping their toes or seeing the chills rush along someone's arm when they hear a song for the first time and get so swept away. I doubt it. 

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Last Christmas I got one of the best presents of my entire life. The sweetheart I got them from remembered my love of music and got me a pair of noise canceling headphones. Beats headphones. Designed by Lady Gaga. The creme de la creme of headphones. And they are gorgeous.

They looked like studs and they fit perfectly. I adore them and I keep them so safe and sound. When they aren't in use, they are protected in their case. I don't share them. They are a prized possession. 

If you haven't listened to music with noise canceling headphones, do not wait any longer. It was such a vivid experience when I first listened with them and even now, months later, it amazes me when I put them in. Every part of the outside world is blocked out; it's just you and the music. I heard parts of my favorite songs I had never noticed before. I heard the singers take a breathe before each sentence they sang. I heard swelling chords and felt the deep drum beats rattling in my bones. I have never felt more connected or alive than when I have these headphones in. It's like a constant private show in my head. It's so intimate and so sensual, almost. I feel every part of the song like individual molecules entering my bloodstream. 

Today and every day, take time to shut out the world and breathe in music. 

Let it fill you. 

Let it carry you away.

Inspirational Tag

As I was reading my daily blogs, I came across a post from a new blog that I found recently. This girl is the cutest and she is British. So mostly I am obsessed with her and I read quite a few of her older posts as well as the post she wrote a few days back called Inspirational Tag. When you check out that post, look at her other ones. Girl has amazing style and she can write! I love her blog.

Inspiration is so excellent but it can be so hard to come by. Lately I have been feeling crazy inspired and I want to spread the wealth because I know what it feels like to be hunting for inspiration. It feels awful to feel like you have nothing to say and nothing to inspire you.

I tag all of you lovely readers to participate in this tag and share your tips for inspiration! Then when any of us feel uninspired we can look back at these posts, started by The Emerald Dove, we can get that flood of inspiration.

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So here are the questions to answer for this tag as well as my answers. :)

Questions: 
What is your favorite quotation?
What would you say to someone who feels inadequate?
What do you wish someone had told you before?
What is your advice for anyone who is being bullied?
What is your mantra in life?
What gets you down or do you find difficult and what would you say to anyone in a similar position?
Which historical figure do you identify most with?

(I love these questions by the way. Talk about getting inspiration flowing.)

Answers: 
What is your favorite quotation? I have a lot but one of my absolute favorites is from F. Scott Fitzgerald. He says, "That is part of the beauty of all literature. You discover that your longings are universal longings, that you're not lonely and isolated from anyone. You belong." I love this quote so much and always find a lot of inspiration in the books I read.

What would you say to someone who feels inadequate? I would tell them that we have all felt this way before. Every time you feel inadequate will be matched by at least 20 more moments when you feel perfectly adequate or even extraordinary. Every hard moment will one day be a blip on the radar of your wonderful life.

What do you wish someone had told you before? I wish someone would have told me that ti's ok to feel stuck and feel depressed. It's ok to feel down for a long time because you have been hurt. Take all the time you need to bounce back but understand that you need to feel the pain you have felt in order to move on.

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What is your advice for anyone who is being bullied? You are better than the person who is hurting you. I know that we are told to look at life through their eyes and try to understand that if a person is bullying us, they must be hurting too. But guess what? Just because they are hurting does NOT mean they have the right to hurt you. Nobody has that right. Ever. You are stronger than them because you chose not to bully. Choice and accountability, friends. Tell someone you trust what is happening and make something happen to end it. Be proactive.

What is your mantra in life? Another Fitzgerald quote clearly. "Vitality shows in not only the ability to persist but in the ability to start over." 

What gets you down or do you find difficult and what would you say to anyone in a similar position? What gets me down is when I feel like whatever I am being made to do is pointless. Or if I hate what I'm doing but know it will benefit me in the long run. I hate not being constantly able to live my dreams and my passions. If I had my choice all I would do all day is read and write. Sadly, life requires money and work so I have to put my passions on hold for a hot second. Sometimes it gets hard to focus on short term goals because you are blinded by your long term future and wants. Persist, guys. Don't sabotage yourself out of doing your best because you just want to get to the good part of life. Work hard in all you do and you will get there faster. Keep going.

Which historical figure do you identify most with? Anne Boleyn. Always and forever. Homegirl knew what she wanted and she worked her corseted butt off to get there. She was so smart and so clever and was ahead of her time. I identify a lot with her determination and her zeal for the things she loved. She makes me feel sexy and powerful and I always strive to be more courageous and determined as she was. Also... she is hot as hell. Captured a King's eye and didn't do the nasty with him for seven years. She's the best ever. 

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That smirk. Get her out of here. 

I loved this tag! I hope to see some more responses to it! Thanks again to The Emerald Dove for starting the tag! Go love on her blog and make your own response.

TAG! You're it!