10.30.14

Feeling your mind expand and be molded feels exactly like speeding on an empty city road at midnight. That sense of wild freedom in a place that is usually so full. That feeling of recklessness, that wild and climbing sensation as you pull forward ever faster and faster, screaming with your car, hurtling at 90 miles an hour to a new destination.

It is so scary to grow and learn from people. But connection is such an intense craving in the marrow of our very human bones. Opening yourself, handling your heart to someone and hoping they will cradle it and not stomp it into the floorboards takes so much strength. But God, what a sensation and what a miracle when you finally do it.

I've always wanted to be close to my sister. I've wanted to be a person who could be having a hard day and immediately think to call her on the phone and complain and cry with her. The kicker is, we are ten years apart and so so different. She's medical, I'm English lit. She's Christian, I'm... other. She's so similar to me that I think I've been inventing differences this whole time in hopes that I would stop feeling guilty and disappointed when we weren't best friends when she came to visit from Texas.

But tonight for the first time we opened up to each other and I finally got to say some of the things I've been burying for so so long. I have had no one to tell these words to and it all came spilling out and finally, finally, after years and years I heard the one phrase I have needed from someone in my family. She's proud of me. She is with me. She sees me. And I am so grateful.

Flashes of the Bay

If you've been following my Instagram, you'll know that I just spent a wonderful week in San Francisco with my aunt, who is my favorite human on the planet. I have been feeling so stifled in SLC because of school and some recent drama of the heart. But that salt and sea air, those cookie cutter houses. They brought me life back and I feel so reenergized. That city has such a life and such a history and little did I know, my family has a large part in that history. For instance, my Great Uncle Tom once drove UP Lombard Street, the famously crooked and famously one way down street. God bless the drugs he was on that made him a legend there. My great grandmother also tended to frequent Haight Ashbury and played leapfrog with her friends in the streets from bar to bar. I'd like to think my great grandmother and I would have gotten along very well.

So here are some shots of my trip. Please do enjoy :) PS. This is a very large photo dump. Not sorry at all.

Leaving SLC accompanied by the sun

First stop, of course, City Lights Books

And what I bought there.

Midday Italian sodas stop

Cheese plate break at this fabulous establishment. 

Up to Telegraph Hill

View from Telegraph

The first of many houses I fell in love with 

Crossing the Golden Gate to my Aunt's home. I wish traffic would have stopped on this bridge.

Second day highlight: Ferry boat cruise around Angel Island.
Take me to the water. Leave me with the ferry boats. 

Ma tante et moi.

I discovered a love for sailboats on this trip.

Possibly my favorite picture from the trip. I do love Golden Gate. 

Palace of Fine Arts

My aunt lives right near the bay. This was during our walk to see Super Moon. 

Beach day at Muir Beach! Aka The Day My Sanity Returned 

The surf is the best place to be alone in the world.

Cheese tasting in wine country

View from the top of Lombard Street

If the person who lives in this house on Lombard Street chances upon this,
I will marry you for this house. 

The Haight. My heart. 

Same offer of marriage goes to the owner of this house. 

My last day was spent largely at the De Young Museum. A dream 

My favorite piece in the museum.
Spectator- Speed of Light by James Rosenquist

The view of the city from the top of the museum. Kill me. 

Now, the Painted Ladies are quite beautiful but... 

I'll take their neighbors down the street. 

I visited the house used in Mrs. Doubtfire on Steiner Street and
left a note for Robin Williams in his vast memorial there.

San Francisco Port- my true last stop.

View from the Pier.

The Cupid's Span sculpture.

The arrow found my heart and left it in the bay

Big ups to those of you that made it to the end of this post. I took hundreds of pictures and these are just scraping the surface. But I wanted to get it all out in one post, one beautiful post I can stare at whenever my heart stops beating. I love this city. There is truly nothing like it. Thank you, dear hearts, for sharing this little piece of my trip with me.

PS. This is also my 200th post. :) Here's to many more.

growing where I am planted

Before getting too far in to talking about myself, I wanted to thank all of you so much for such a giant outpouring of love and support after my last post. It helped so much being able to walk around campus on my first day knowing that I had so much support and that you all believe in my so much. I am so lucky to have all of you :) Know that you are all loved. Every single one of you.

Anyway! I have now been in school for three days and my goodness. I am in love with it. It is everything I have ever wanted and everything I have never felt before. I leave every class with that delicious mixture of exhaustion and enthusiasm that drives me forward. My brain has been working non stop since the first day. I cannot wait to talk with you all about some of what we have been discussing in class :) I feel so hungry for this academic world and being surrounded by thinking people is a treat.

As much as I hate how long it took for me to get to the U and get to this point in  my life, I know that I wouldn't have been ready for it until now. I needed to be so sure of myself and my future before I started at this massive school where it is so easy to be lost and unsure of yourself. I know what I want, I know I can achieve it, and I cannot wait to make a name for myself.

I adore my professors. Signs of their brilliance: I'm taking a science class called Natural Disasters: Hollywood vs Reality. On the first day the professors says, "So, there isn't a super rigid syllabus because that's not my style. Also... during each class there is usually one big natural disaster. So, until that happens... we will just wait for disaster to strike and then study that." Then my Lit professor said this, "So, I prefer not using electronics in class but if you have to just... like... don't click on any pornadoes, yeah?" PORN. PORNADOES. Done. Done forever.

They are all so progressive and passionate and daring. I cannot wait to absorb everything they say. The homework is so much reading and I can feel my brain muscles flexing. I have never been this tired or this moved to keep working and writing. I'm getting all sorts of story inspiration! Now I just need time to write... :)

I cannot wait to keep going. It sort of feels like I've already been back in school for 600 years and it's only been three days but I already feel brighter and better. More soon, lovelies. I hope everyone is having as good a time in school as I am.

via *

fragile and new

More of Thom and Piper today. This scene is special. Achingly personal and tender. This is the song used. Start the song, then start the scene.

Current word count: 30,505

via *

Shades of September

September skies are coming in so beautifully in her first week, aren't they? I love them. She's giving us some beautiful watercolor skies.

I have a special place in my heart for the special shade of orange that comes in September. It peeks through the shades at around six every night. My happiest memory is bathed in that light and I still feel warm when the skies ignite into those orange fields. 

I love how sunsets change throughout the year. I love the light blue spring nights, the vibrant violet summers, the golden honey falls, and the bright pink and clear blue winters. I want to live in the sunset. I'd chase it forever.