12.1.13

Everyone says it every year but legitimately where did this year go? How can it already be December? How can I be four months away from turning 22? Nothing makes any sense at ALL.

I'm in such a different place than I thought I would be last January looking toward the future. A lot is so different but it is all wonderful beyond words.

• I finished NaNoWriMo!! I completed it. I did it. I wrote 50,000 words in one month! (50,202 to be exact.) This was so hard and frustrated and I have no idea how I did it but I am so thankful I decided to do this challenge. It got me writing every day which is a huge deal. My novel isn't quite done yet but I'm homing to have it finished by the end of January so I can take a few months to edit it and hopefully by this time next year it will be ready to send out to publishers! 
• Yesterday I moved into my new house in Salt Lake. Guys. It has been an ordeal to get moved out. Two times my plans fell through and I started thinking that I just wasn't meant to move out. But then like a pot of gold, there sat my perfect little yellow house at the end of the rainbow. It's perfect and old and lovely and my room is the greatest. Pictures to follow :)
• School starts again in about a month. WHAT. This is another one that felt like it took so long to get to. I've been aching to be back in school and at the U of U for about a year and a half and now after all that time, I'm starting in January. English degree here I come! 
• Growing up = the pits. The fun foam pits, but also snake filled death trap pits. I love independence and living on my own but I'm so terrified of it all as well. I've been having so much growing up anxiety with moving and everything. All I want to do is be alone and sit in my bed and watch Boy Meets World (No joke, that's how I spent my first night in my new place last night and it was terrific.) The prospect of making new friends and forging new romances and all getting a new job in a few weeks makes me sick. I have enough friends, thanks. I don't need romance, thanks. (Unless you are Shawn Hunter in which case ALWAYS). I know all of this is the anxiety talking and I will feel better soon. I'll feel better after my very adult phone call to Comcast tomorrow to get internet set up in my new house. Ugh adult life.

December is so magical and wonderful and exciting. Everyone is happy and full of the holiday spirit and I'm starting to fee it seeping into my bones too. I can't wait to see what else changes this month. Let's do this!

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let him in.

There are less than 24 hours of NaNoWriMo left. Here is another little peek of my story.

Current Word Count: 48,400

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fragile and new

More of Thom and Piper today. This scene is special. Achingly personal and tender. This is the song used. Start the song, then start the scene.

Current word count: 30,505

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act three scene one

Here's my second little preview of my Nano project :) Enjoy the scene and let me know what you think.

Current word count: 17,108

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challenges

I feel bled dry of words. All of the pretty words that usually swim in my head seem to have drowned or have gotten out of the pool in my thoughts. I have this horrible habit of stopping writing when I feel like what I am writing is crap. I know it's a process. I know it will not be Gatsby on the first draft. I know that this is a challenge to get words on paper so I can move forward from there. But I feel dried out and like I'm sabotaging myself.

Writing a novel is hard. It's tedious and draining. Not every word is beautiful, not all the dialogue is clean. I never understood when authors said it took them years to get a novel ready for publication and that by the time they got to their final draft so much had changed. But now I do. John Green said that in his first draft of Looking for Alaska, there was not even a hint of Pudge's obsession with last words. THIS IS A CENTRAL THEME IN THE BOOK. I couldn't imagine the book without it. How far that book came. How far mine will come.

It's amazing. Even when I feel bled dry of them, I find my solace in words. I write out my frustrations. I read books for more. I listen to music, engraining the lyrics on my skin. I want to talk to people. Watch words form on their lips. Trace them against their skin.

I guess I'm a writer after all.

sharing headspace

I'm a few days into NaNoWriMo now and so far it's going pretty well. I've beaten my daily word goal, and I've failed making my daily word goal. I didn't stay too mad at myself for not making my goal some days, but as the days go by pressure is increasing in my own head. It's getting easier to slide back into this world of my characters since I am spending so much time there but it feels like running a marathon. During the writing I get an intense runners high but the moment the writing stops I want to sleep for three days and never write again. This is an intense challenge. It's testing me and pushing me a lot.

It's an interesting feeling to feel like I never really leave the world of my characters. I feel constantly inspired and I see them moving around in my head constantly. They are becoming more real in my head. I feel Piper, Eli, and Thom sitting on my shoulders whispering in my ears for me to write. "You have to tell our story, Emma. Why are you watching Reign (WHICH BY THE WAY IS AWESOME) at a time like this? Get my story on that paper, damn it!" That's Piper. She's needy. Eli is more forgiving. He lets me take coffee and reading breaks.

Rainbow Rowell talked a lot about staying in the world of her book during the time she did NaNoWriMo while she wrote Fangirl, which I talked about in this post. She said it helped her to never leave their world for too long because it kept her in the zone. She said, "During NaNoWriMo, I never left the world of the book long enough to lose momentum."

She also said this gem:

"I mean, I still didn't know if what I'd written was any good. (I hadn't even read it all in one piece!) But I was so excited about the novel, I wanted to write every day. And even when I wasn't writing, my brain was still working on the story." 

Same here, girl. Same here. I'm excited to be writing this novel finally and pushing all of it out onto a page. I'm following Rainbow's lead and not rereading my story at all, just keep pushing forward. The month is barely beginning and I'm already growing in motivation and fear that I won't possibly find energy or time to keep up with writing about 2000 words a day.

But these characters are not leaving me alone. Sharing headspace with them is exhausting and thrilling. They feel so real to me. Their lives feel real and powerful. I can't wait to share more with you :)

Current word count: 10,206

My mind after writing all day. What even is sleep?
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NaNo Preview 1

Here is the first snippet of the novel I'm working on this year for NaNoWriMo! Let me know what you think. So far, so good!

Total word count to date: 8,179 of 50,000 words completed.

*a note about this selection. Thom is not a vampire. That right there is a metaphor. Taking things out of context is hard sometimes. I will not be writing Twilight the sequel. K. Back to regularly scheduled writing.

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11.1.13

Welcome to November! Can you believe it? Hate to sound cliche but where did this year go?

Halloween was not the best day but I refuse to let that come between me and having a wonderful November. Things to carry into November:

• I am taking part in NaNoWriMo this year. Have you guys heard of this? It's short for National Novel Writing Month. Write a novel (50,000 words) in one month. This is my first time really trying and I'm honestly very scared. But some of my absolute favorite books started out as NaNo novels (Fangirl by Rainbow Rowell and Anna and the French Kiss by Stephanie Perkins. WHAT) so I cannot wait to try my hand at it. I'll never have a November where I'm not in school and have as much open time so the time is now. That averages out to about 1600 words a day. Oy vey. Anyone else doing this challenge this year? Let me know! We can support each other! I'll also post some updates on here for some feedback and support. GO TEAM.
• I want this month to be full of inspiration. Lord knows I'm gonna need constant inspiration to stay fresh for NaNoWriMo. Let's talk about favorite books, favorite music, all the favorites! And more importantly, why are they favorites? What makes them stick out in our heads? Let's talk about it.
• I'm meeting with my academic advisor at the U on Monday. Guys, school is so close I can taste it. I'm getting more nervous as time goes on and it gets closer. I hate that the mind does that. I really cannot wait to start a new chapter of my life. I want to leave everything that made me miserable or ill at ease behind and start over as me, not as preconceived me. 
• Why would anyone ever feel embarrassed by emotions they are feeling or have felt? Feelings matter. If someone makes fun of your feelings or antagonizes you about the, that's their problem. If they call you a liar or waste their breath berating you, leave them behind. Hold on to good memories and feelings even if the present is weighing you down. They can't take your past away.
• I want to stop letting every little thing live and breed under my skin. I'm so young, things are so unimportant in the long run. Maybe not unimportant but... inconsequential. People were right. Those huge problems in high school are nothing now. I remember how big they were then but now they mean nothing and I am fine when I though I never would be. This gives me me comfort when life gets rocky. In one month, it won't matter at all. 
• CHRISTMAS AHHHHHHHHH
• Diets are for squares and jerks. Bring on Thanksgiving dinner.

Happy November, lovelies. It's always been a favorite of mine.

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