I feel bled dry of words. All of the pretty words that usually swim in my head seem to have drowned or have gotten out of the pool in my thoughts. I have this horrible habit of stopping writing when I feel like what I am writing is crap. I know it's a process. I know it will not be Gatsby on the first draft. I know that this is a challenge to get words on paper so I can move forward from there. But I feel dried out and like I'm sabotaging myself.
Writing a novel is hard. It's tedious and draining. Not every word is beautiful, not all the dialogue is clean. I never understood when authors said it took them years to get a novel ready for publication and that by the time they got to their final draft so much had changed. But now I do. John Green said that in his first draft of Looking for Alaska, there was not even a hint of Pudge's obsession with last words. THIS IS A CENTRAL THEME IN THE BOOK. I couldn't imagine the book without it. How far that book came. How far mine will come.
It's amazing. Even when I feel bled dry of them, I find my solace in words. I write out my frustrations. I read books for more. I listen to music, engraining the lyrics on my skin. I want to talk to people. Watch words form on their lips. Trace them against their skin.
I guess I'm a writer after all.
This is exactly the relationship I feel with words; and yes, i think you are a writer x
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Em
wow! You have so much passion for writing! Congrats on writing a novel!
ReplyDeleteRebecca
www.winnipegstyle.ca
Oh gosh is it. I'm working on mine as well and that saying "if it were easy everyone would do it" keeps coming to mind. And yet it's so worth it, to get it out, to bleed every thought and feeling on paper through strung together syllables.
ReplyDeleteThere is something so hopeless about writer's block. But the words will always come back.
ReplyDeletethank you for sharing your journey through writing a novel. it's really awesome to read about it. i've heard the same things you have about writers saying novels are a real piece of work, but it seems so much more raw when you write about it while it's actually happening.
ReplyDeletethis is inspiring... I'm also writing a novel.. been writing it for the last couple of years..and I have other 4 stories waiting to be written..but as you say..writing a novel is tiring, a complex job.. and I also didn't understand it could take years to do so, but now I do...and I don't know if I'm up for it... so many times I've deleted the damn file..but then again..I rescue it from the recycle bin and keep going... it's a tough job...but good things aren't easy to accomplish, right?
ReplyDeleteAt least I like to think so.
Thanks for sharing these thoughts.. and keep up that love for words, embrace it, cherish it.. it is a gift not many possess..
You are most definitely a writer - anyone who reads your blog would be able to tell from how beautifully you write! I think I have the same kind of relationship with words in translation - finding the meaning the words have in the sentence and what they add to it then evaluating their importance and finding a suitable match in English. :)
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