-I'm having a hard time motivating myself to continue interning where I am working/ interning in general. I feel like I gave the assisting thing a shot and it's just not where I want to be. at all. I loved the people in my first internship. the people at my second one are distant and guarded and have offered no help. I don't need mch. but some direction would be nice. The days drag. I only have something like two weeks left but every morning I feel like I cannot possibly make it.
-I miss someone and I don't know how to fix that. Advice? Do I call them? Text them a well intentioned message wishing them well? continuing to stalk his twitter and instagram? hope he will happen upon my blog and figure out which posts are for him and wait for his move? It's getting to a weird point. An insatiable hunger to see them, feel the support I had from him once. It's like a weeping willow has sprouted in my heart and it's weighing my chest down.
Staring at the ceiling in the dark,
same old empty feeling in your heart,
cause love comes slow and it goes so fast.
-The fact that it's not raining today is severely bumming me out. I super wanted to go run in the rain and let my skin get soaked down to my bones.
-I found my journal from when I was 18. I can now say with evidence that I would have beat my 18 year old self up in about a minute. But, actually, I probably would have just hugged her and told her that it does in fact get better. Then it gets harder than I ever could have imagined, but that the future will also be brighter than either of us could have hoped for. It was funny reading what I was scared for, plans for the future. But mostly I was surprised by the emptiness of it all. I didn't remember a lot of what I had written. I didn't mention many names, just situations. I remember thinking that there was no way I would forget the people I was referencing, so there was no point to including names. Fact is, I don't remember. I feel like blogging will mean so much more in the future. It isn't just writing bland daily occurrences, it's tracking overpowering feelings and small puzzle pieces of my day. The diary entires consisted of "I cannot wait to graduate, today I wore new shoes, yesterday was hard." My blog has more feeling. I can't wait to look back on all this.
-Can we discuss the sunset last night? That single streak of pink peaking out under the grey blanket of clouds that still let a few stray raindrops fall. I want my life to look like that always.
-I had writer's block until I started writing. Funny how that works, huh?
-This was my weekend.
-This is my month. Let's pull through it together.