like an American

Belated 4th of July post because it is my absolute favorite day and I spent it in beautiful nature with the most beautiful people I know. We listened to classic rock and Lana Del Rey, we let the sun envelop our bodies, we let our lips become blood red with sugar from snow cones. We lived loud and proud.

My favorite beauties

Small town parades full of pride and salt water taffy. Picking the taffy off the street while its still gooey in its wrapper makes it taste all the sweeter.

Aftermath of a very victorious and refreshing water war. AKA the best part of the parade.

We rock red lips like nobody else. Nobody else at all. 

We also rock dancing to incredibly perfect cover bands better than anyone else. This cover band comes complete with lead singer cloaked in only the tightest white pants in the world and a vest with an American flag print. Their standing engagement at the Kaysville, Utah July 4th party is the stuff of dreams. So is our dancing when you take into account that the other dancers are either well below 11 or well above 50. We look astounding.

And of course, des feu d'artifice. 

America is dancing like no one is watching, but knowing that if they are that you look sexy and strong and free. My hair is whipping across my face and my whole orgasmic body is moving with the sound pressing against every curve of me. America is late night talks at Denny's with your best friends about your fears and your dreams and knowing that they will listen and will always be there for you and hug you close like warm summer nights. 

Happy 4th, everyone. I felt young and dope and proud, like an American.

drifting

With his name resting on my tongue and images of a night soon to come on my mind, the city lights drift by as the melodies brush through my hair. The car drifts cooly and we laugh together, laughing with the comfort of close friends and knowing we are young and beautiful and strong. We know we will cry, we know we will be hurt, but tonight in this car, nothing hurts and there is nothing but hope and stars.

via *

sunshine on a cloudy day.

I have the best readers in the world. No, readers isn't what they are. They are friends. You are all some of my best friends. Is that weird? Is it weird that I feel closer to the lot of you than a lot of my other friends? You're all privy to quite a lot of things that the rest of the world isn't. You make me feel safe in a way that not a lot of people can. So thanks for that.

Anyway, Lovely Lacey nominated me for a Sunshine Award! She's always a ray of happiness so it was only fitting that the award would come from her. Lacey's blog is always so happy and she has the absolute best taste in music. Her playlists at the beginning of the month always get my month started off on a good note (PUNS) She always leaves the nicest comments and is just so beautiful. So beautiful.

So here is this! And here are some rules about the award. 

1. display the award on your blog
2. announce your win with a post and thank the blog who nominated you.
3. post ten interesting things about yourself
4. nominate some other deserving bloggers
5. link your nominees in a post and let them know with a comment

Ten random facts about myself!
1. I used to make up dances to Britney Spears songs in my bedroom. I planned to perform them in front of my family to prove how edgy I was. Thank GOD that never happened.

2. I got pantsed (I don't know how to spell that. Pants were forced off of me? That's worse..) in the third grade by the kid I had a crush on. I'm still not over it.

3. A British man kissed me on my 22nd birthday. All I know about him is that his name was Andy and he was 29. I know I'll never see him again and I find that so perfect and so sad.

4. I feel the need to have huge emotional breakdowns at least every 5 months. I watch or read something that makes me cry, then keep myself crying for two hours until I'm dried out. Then I can function for the next 5 months.

5. I snuck out of my house so much more than my mom thinks I did while I was growing up. I liked taking late night drives. Still do.

6. I have so many scars on my feet from Irish Dancing as a child. All up my legs.

7. I have a pyramid shaped birthmark on my right hand. I like to think it means I was an Egyptian Queen in a past life.

8. The first book I remember hating was Johnny Tremain. I read it in the 5th grade and hated it so much I made my mom read it with me and suffer through it with me.

9. I love watching people type. I think it's amazing that we are all so good at typing that we can look away while we do it and still find the letters. There's a metaphor here. I'll find it.

10. I got in trouble when I worked at Starbucks because a customer found me "too perky." I found out which customer complained and gave him decaf every time I served him after that. Douche bag.

So there's a bit about meeeee :) I like these getting to know you posts.

Here's some people I'd love to get to know more about.

The Emerald Dove: This pretty lady is my pen pal :) She's the cutest and so smart. She has her life so together and the best fashion sense. I adore her.

Allerdings: Always the most delicate and honest writing. She was one of the first blogs that I found and I've been obsessed ever since.

A Day in the Life: Shelby has become seriously my best friend since we met each other through blogging. Luckily we live close so we have become real life friends. She's the best and I want everyone to know it. I have so much fun with her and her pictures CANNOT be stopped. Obsessed. Best Friend.

As Far as The Eye Can See: S has the most beautiful way with words. This was another of the very first blogs I found and whenever she posts, it's the first thing I read. I cannot get over her talent or how beautiful she is. I cannot.

Thanks again to beautiful Lacey :)

Penpal Post

Can we all agree that snail mail is by far the most superior way to communicate? It's so personal and loving that someone would take the time to write you a letter or send you a package. And it makes me feel like an adult to get a letter that's all mine. Not junk mail or a bill, but a letter just for me. 

I've always wanted a penpal so when the lovely Emerald Dove put up a post asking for a penpal I jumped at the chance! Lauren is the absolute cutest person in the world. She is so smart and so sweet and I cannot cannot CANNOT wait to get to know her more through our package exchanges. Her package to me was exceptionally wonderful. Take a peek:

She's from the UK, which is phenomenal. I've always had an obsession with England. Once when I was a little girl and a teacher asked me what I wanted to be when I was a grown-up I answered "British." I'm working on it! She asked me if there was anything specific I wanted her to send me. I asked for a Ribena, a British drink I found at a British store in Salt Lake once and become completely obsessed with. I also asked for Maoam's candies since there is a handsome British youtuber who loves them. I've been dying to try them! (They were amazing! All the best parts of Laffy Taffy's without the waxiness of American candy.) The Cadbury bar was just a lovely surprise :)

I also had the idea to send each other a copy of a favorite book that has a different cover in the UK vs the USA. She's a fellow book lover and I personally feel that there is no greater bond than sharing books. She sent me a copy of The Book Thief that I have been dying to get. This book is my absolute favorite (Along with Gatsby) and the British cover is perfect beyond words. It's quite possible that I cried when I saw it and held it and smelled it. Oh books. 

It was the best surprise to get the package in my mailbox on Friday. On an unrelated note, I also got my official acceptance letter to the University of Utah so I can go back to school in January. I opened the letter and felt an immense sense of calm and purpose come over me. My future is all coming together, one gorgeous puzzle piece at a time. 

The mail was full of wonder on Friday. Even my text message inbox was full of a lovely surprise from the perfect boy. It's coming together, everyone. October is nailing it. 

Thanks Triple-A Travis

My weekend in a picture.
via *

I took another drive this weekend, but I wasn't alone. It was quite an event leading up to this drive. What a wonderful Friday.

I went back to dear old Davis to see the annual Night of Shakespeare. I was incredibly excited to see the show since I've been coaching some of the kids this last week. They were amazing! They knew the text, they knew the emotion, they knew Shakespeare. Breath was being given to these characters from the souls of these teenagers and I was breathing it in like a drug. I love seeing Shakespeare performed well. Luckily, so does my theater teacher. Holla.

I went with Niki and Ally and when we got to the show, our dear old friend Christine and Tucker came in! Tucker and I have this thing where we always end up on Tumblr or Facebook at three in the morning talking about music and boys. He's for real the best and it was so great to finally be real life friends instead of just internet friends. After the show ended, Niki, Ally, Tucker, and I went to Ihop so I could wade in a vat of red velvet pancakes and hashbrowns while we talked about our romantic lives, or lack thereof, and reminisce about the past. The conversation continued into the Walmart, Allison's grandma's garage, and then finally in my car in the Davis High parking lot.

The minutes fled quickly that night with the windows down and the slow September breeze fanning us gently as we laughed and remembered. A lot of topics were covered, Tucker got to kiss a girl for the first time (sup Tucker.), and eventually Niki and Ally drifted on home leaving Tucker and I for more conversation... and a dead car battery. WHOOPS. But it was cool because I had amazing company, a few year's worth of stories to share, and Travis from AAA. It took a whopping three seconds for him to fix my battery and then to be told "don't turn the car off for 20 minutes." Deal, Travis. Deal. I hijacked Tucker and our drive up the mountain began.

I turned each street with ease, years of driving this path under my belt. I drove where I always go when Ogden Canyon is too far, but home is too close. I've driven this route crying, laughing, singing, smiling. Tonight I drove it thinking and sharing music with a wonderful friend. I asked his advice about my life, he asked me opinions of his personality (TUCKER GIRL YOU FABULOUS) and we shared melancholy melodies in the night. When I finally took Tucker home, everything felt easier and settled. The drive was cathartic, the conversation better. I love talking. I love listening. I love learning and sharing. Hearing different opinions about the happenings in your life will never not be helpful, just as that sentence will never not be dreadful. Or accurate.

I got into bed at 4 in the morning feeling so exhausted but so hopeful and buzzing with good vibes. It's nice to lay in bed at night, especially that late and still find yourself giggling about what happened that night, the people you ran into, the people you ignored, the memories you shared. Nostalgia is like a drug. I guess it's just up to you if you make it a happy drug, or a debilitating one.

a small voice with large sentiment

Hello beautiful people.

For lack of better words, it has been a pretty hellacious few days here. My tightrope has been shaking quite a bit and my footing has fallen quite a few times. I'm still missing him like crazy, it feels like my internship will never end, a dear friend of mine is struggling with a break up (sends every hug in the world), and I just found out my grandmother was just diagnosed with cancer. So, this weekend could have been better.

There were a few bright sides this weekend, though. For one thing, my grandmother is just fine. She doesn't feel like it's her time or that it's anything to fret much over. She's still planning a cruise this February with my grandfather and she will be in Europe this summer come hell or high water. She's a soldier. I think I'm probably more upset than she is. I just don't like hearing about cancer in the fam. That hit my clan hard a few years ago and it always shocks my system. But if she's not worried, I'll try to not worry as well. But all good vibes are welcome her way.

Bright side two, a dear dear (I'm saying it Shelby) BEST friend of mine is staying in town and we get to live together :) I'm breaking the news. I'm excited. So thrilled. This girl has become a rock for me. I love you.

Bright side three. I had been missing my favorite bracelet and I found my favorite shirt missing yesterday. I was already emotional so I was just over the edge here you guys. BUT I found both my shirt and my bracelet.

Bright side four. You will never know how much it means to me to have you read my blog. This place is seriously the safest place I feel I have. I can say anything I want here and I love that I've created a home for my words here. The fact that some of you take a few moments out of your day to check in on my small corner of the internet means more to me than I can express in words. So here is just a little thank you from me. In hard times, the little encouragements I find in the comments or in direct emails light up my world. Today I got an email telling me my writing inspired them. But it's you that inspire me. Thank you so much for being here for me. I love you all with my whole heart.

Here's to a bright week ahead full of sun and moon xx

via *

empty chairs at empty tables

On this deliciously dreary afternoon I ventured back in time to my old high school to see my dear friend and former English teacher. He had a few books to recommend to me and I always love our chats. (Side note, nothing on Earth says "I care for you" like book recommendations. It's like peering into the souls of your friends and glimpsing their heart.) Sadly I missed him but I decided to stick around and walk the halls down to my old theater room, hoping to run in to my old theater teacher.

I creaked open the door and the room was black, not a soul around. It was perfect. I was so tired and so much in need of rest and in need of a trip home to that safe place. Students hadn't been there yet and the only people around were the ghosts of days gone by. There is nowhere more quiet that a school that has  yet to open its doors to students for the year. I needed that kind of quiet today. It was a long night and an even longer summer.

Even since I started doing theater in my junior year, an unbelievable 5 years ago, that room became my safe place. I learned about happy thoughts, I learned about releasing your inner child, I learned how to breathe. I grew up, I cried (a lot), I laughed (a lot), I loved, I was hurt. I spent more time in that room than anywhere else during high school, even my own house. My laughter still sings off of the walls, mixing with the silver memories of the people who came before me and after me. The people who used that room left so much of ourselves there. Where else were we allowed to paint the walls with words and colors?

I shut my mind off and reclined in the easy chair in the front row as a 16 year old Emma flitted across the stage with her friends, a 17 year old Emma recited a monologue stage right, an 18 year old Emma left the room for the last time after hugging her teacher goodbye, and saying hello to a now friend. I stole kisses in that room. I can still taste those sweet innocent embraces and the nostalgia in that room hugs me close each time I enter it. In that room I learned the difference between being tough vs being strong.

As I tiptoe in and out of my past, the feelings in that room stay constant. I miss how I felt in high school, how easy it was for me to find positivity and to recharge. The root of all of that was this room, this chapel of the creative; a sanctuary for the open and honest. Since I left high school, I've experienced a lot and it's jaded me. I haven't found a place like that room where I have felt so completely safe and comfortable and I remember after my visit today how vital it is to have that place. I want to try to keep my hope rooted in that room and rooted in my 16 year old self even as I grow and change.

I am so lucky I got such an amazing experience in high school and I am sorry if you didn't. Or if you wasted your time in high school by counting down the minutes until it was over or treating those around you like dirt solely because you felt like dirt about yourself. I was lucky, I suppose. Lucky to be surrounded by people who respected my opinions and allowed me to be open and allowed me to be myself. Lucky to have a room like this that I can always come back to.

Thank you, Andra

Thank you, Mr. Larsen

Thank you , Mr. Oram

Thank you, Mr. Rice

Thank you my friends

Thank you all. 

Logan

On Saturday Niki and I drove up to Logan to see a handsome friend of mine in Fiddler on the Roof at the Utah Festival Opera. All I can say is Logan is so gorgeous. It's one of the most picturesque places I have ever been. When you walk around the main street, it feels like you are transported back into the 1960s, walking around an All-American street. It's so adorable. And the drive up. Mmmm.

Someone buy me this so I can be on Mad Men

Niki and I love shoes. We have one pair that is the same.
We both wore them today. Best friends.

The inside of the theater was stunning. It was like being inside of an
old cathedral with exposed buttresses.

We really nailed that whole Lana Del Rey/ disillusioned American Dream angst thing we were going for with these two pictures. 

The show was amazing and the sights were better. Casual lunges (inside joke. Just... I can't explain it.) abounded and the night was topped off with screaming Bohemian Rhapsody at the top of our lungs on the drive home. Because really... you cannot sing that song unless you are incredibly serious about it the entire time. And if your best friend in the whole world is with you. 

Road trips are perfect things, everyone. Go grab your best friend and head to Anytown, USA. 

Liebster Award!

Hello lovelies! My sweet friend Maddy at Just Your Average Redhead nominated me for the Liebster Award yesterday! Also... Maddy is anything but average. She is incredibly smart and witty and kind. We go way back... like elementary school back and I was so happy to be mentioned on her beautiful blog. So thank you Maddy!

Here is the low down on the Liebster.

The definition:

Liebster is German for sweetest, kindest, nicest, dearest, beloved, lovely, kind, pleasant, valued, cute, endearing, and welcome. How nice is that?

Blogging is about building a community and it's a great way to connect with other bloggers and help spread the word about newer bloggers and blogs.

The Rules:

1. Thank your Liebster Blog Award presenter on your blog and link back to the blogger who presented this award to you. 

2. Answer the 11 questions from your nominator, list 11 random facts about yourself, and create 11 questions for your nominees.

3. Present the Liebster Blog Award to 11 other blogs of 200 followers or less who you feel deserve to be noticed and leave a comment on their blog to let them know they have been chosen.

4. Copy/Paste the blog award on your blog.

So here are Maddy's questions for me! 

1. What is your favorite clothing article? My Gatsby necklace for sure. I wear it every day :)

2. What is your life motto? "Vitality shows in not only the ability to persist but in the ability to start over." - F. Scott Fitzgerald

3. Paper or plastic? Plastic for sure. 

4. What color is your hair? Naturally brown. As of now, dark brown with some red ombre. HIPSTER 4 LYFE.

Did this last Friday. Best decision.

5. What is your favorite movie? Oh geez. All the movies. Hate to be super predictable but probably The Great Gatsby. I just found it perfect. Read my thoughts here.

6. If you could live in any time period, which would you choose? I would pick the 1520-1530s in Tudor England. I'm dying to meet Anne Boleyn. She's my hero. 

7. Is the glass half full or half empty? It is half full of water and half full of air. :)

8. What is your favorite physical trait about yourself? I've always really liked my small waist. That feels weird now that I've written it down... let's just go with my  hair.

9. Who is your hero? My hero is Anne Boleyn. Homegirl knew what she wanted and went for it. 

10. What is your favorite holiday and why? I love the Fourth of July! I like being outside and I like the celebratory and connected air everyone has. I wrote about that recently here!

11. What is your biggest goal/dream in life? I want to be a published author of Young Adult fiction books as well as a literature professor at a big University. 

11 Random Facts About Me!

1. I am currently working on two different manuscripts that I hope will be my first and second published novels.

2. I can't straighten my left arm all the way because I dislocated it when I was 18.

3. I was an Irish dancer for six years. I rocked it, if that was your question.

4. In college I got to play Regan in King Lear on an outdoor Shakespearean stage in Cedar City, Utah. For photo call we had to stay outside in freezing weather for two hours which led to me having a horrible ear infection.

5. I had four pet fish that all died within 24 hours of each other.

6. I am almost done with a dental assisting certification course that will help me pay the bills as I get back to my English education.

7. I feel like I am destined to live in England at some point in my life.

8. When I was younger I used to try to break my sister's arm by pressing her arm really hard against my head when she made me mad. She thought it was so funny and would slap me across the face until I would do it to her. Thanks, Leah. 

9. I first fell in love with someone when I was 17.

10. I feel naked if I don't wear eyeliner.

11. I still sleep with my baby blankets and I am 0% ashamed of that. :)

And now time for my nominations for the Liebster Award! I wish I could nominate more people! I tried not to nominate people if I knew they had already been nominated, or if they have too many followers. I would have nominated 2999 blogs if I could have. 

Nominees!

1. Sarah at As Far As the Eye Can See. Don't even get me started. She uses the most beautiful words and has amazing musical taste. Her blog is also gorgeous. 

2. Laura at in the midst of all this bliss, my world is silent. Another blog full of beautiful perfect words.

3. Carly at Macaroons and Moccasins. She's the cutest and her pictures are always stellar. 

4. Elizabeth Grace at The Ramblings of a New England Girl. She's so lovely and has the best musical taste. 

5. Jessica Sara at Oh the blissful life. She's so sweet. Go love her.

6. Olivia at Oh, My Heart. I want to be her best friend. She's so cute.

7. Stephanie at Owls in my Heart. I always get so excited to see a new post from her. Coolest girl around.

8. Amy at Seafoam Eyes. Can't get enough of this blog. It's one of the first I found and I just want to be her best friend too. She's smart and hilarious. 

9. Taylor at Stories from the Mountains.  Her blog is simple and lovely. The best kind of blog!

10. Ana at The Summer of June. She's just so good. She loves planet Earth and I love her.

11. Maite at you don't love me yet. This girl is unreal. So cool.

Here are your questions, beautiful people :)

1. What is your favorite book?

2. If you could go back in time to one day of your life, when would it be and why?

3. If you had $1 million, what would you do?

4. Would you rather be too hot or too cold?

5. What is your biggest goal in life?

6. Favorite quote?

7. If you could meet one person alive or dead who would it be?

8. What is love?

9. What are you the most afraid of?

10. What is your favorite smell?

11. Why do you blog?

I cannot wait to read your responses! Thanks again to Maddy for the nomination. Stay lovely :)

Tell Me I'm Your National Anthem

The 4th is my favorite holiday by far. (Someone link me back to this post at Christmas but.... I'm pretty positive it's my favorite.) I like being outside, I love my family and friends, I love fried food. FIREWORKS. WATER FIGHTS! It's all good. And there isn't that pressure that seems to tag along with Christmas like the tag you forgot to remove from your father's Christmas present. I just love it. 

This was my song of the day: 

Lana is always my song of the day.

This was my day: 

Small hometown parade with the best friends.

"Niki show me your Merica face!"
Favorite picture of the day 

Ron Swanson Van

Our parade ends with the best water war ever.
We were soaked and happy. 

100% the world's best corn dog. And snow cone.
OM NOM NOM

Niki and I went to the park to have a little relaxation in the sun.

It was the best part of the day. Nice and sun kissed.

We went to the fair by our old High School and bought these
awesome cuffs! Only $5 each! And very suited to our personalities.

They had a cover band who kicked ass. And we danced.
We cried. We laughed. We were the only people dancing who weren't 8.

A good day!

Then I got home after sitting in traffic for eight years. 

I filled my bath and my sun soaked body slipped into the silky, stinging water. My skin, kissed lightly by the sun was bitten by the hot warter. It wasn't unfomfortable. It honestly made me feel... settled. It was such an amazing day. The sting on my skin felt like tiny fireworks of accomplishment and joy. It mean that I spent my entire day outside, my favorite kind of day. I spent my day with family and friends. And my favorite holiday. Sure, the sun hangover and the fried food hangover got me later that night, and is carrying on today, but yesterday was beyond perfect.

I hope your holiday was just as lovely.