pretty little things

-sitting awake in a dark room, writing. The entire world is asleep but me. Late night musings:

-old hollywood

-lily allen
-sunlight filtering through old fashioned perfume bottles.

-cracking open a new notebook
-shadows on bare human skin

-perfectly lined eyes
-twisted sheets on a shared bed

-warm summer driveways
-marie antoinette

-flowing human limbs

Not Enough Sky

"You can never have too much sky. You can fall asleep and wake up drunk on sky, and sky can keep you safe when you are sad. Here there is too much sadness and not enough sky. Butterflies too are few and so are flowers and most things that are beautiful. Still, we take what we can get and make the best of it."

The House on Mango Street by Sandra Cisneros

Yesterday I went to one of my favorite places, The City of Rocks National Reserve up in Southern Idaho. My best friend and I filled up my tank, and filled up the car with road trip junk food, and headed north toward the most incredible place. You drive for hours on open road with nothing but hills around you. Suddenly you turn the corner and find yourself in the middle of a massive valley littered with rocks and boulders the size of buildings. It's a literal city of rocks in the middle of the landscape. It's breathtaking and you feel like you are on top of the world. 

It's amazing how refreshed and revitalized you can feel when you are in the middle of all of nature's beauty, unencumbered by cell phones and networks. In her most recent letter to me from the field, my best friend Shelby talked to me a bit about that. She is in the MTC with nothing to do but study, no distractions. 

"Sometimes we study 14 hours a day. No, this is rea. And the thing is, it just amazes me that the human brain can DO that. We constantly clog our creativity with social media, smart phones, social norms. We've taught ourselves that NO ONE can POSSIBLY focus for a whole day. And that's just a discredit to the majesty of human possibility."

She hit the nail on the head beautifully. I feel like it is impossible to focus on anything for more than about an hour before the nagging urge to check Facebook sneaks back into my system. Nothing happens on Facebook in that hour, I just NEED to check it. 

But I don't though. It's more important to check back in with yourself more frequently than to check back in to social media. That's what this trip was about for Niki and me. We're busy this summer. I have school and work and an upcoming move to Salt Lake City. Niki works her little butt off and is so amazing and beautiful. 

But what keeps us busier than our real obligations is our busy minds, always working, always over thinking, always on loud. Even on the days we have off from work and school, we keep our phones by our sides hoping that that one special person will text us and make our day. We sit in or rooms dreaming of our future happiness, or past happiness, and stressing about all of the things we should be doing. We never stop.

Yesterday we stopped. We listened to to the world and we listened to each other. We heard our feet synch up with the rhythm of the planet we call home and we listened to the wind humming in our ears as it pushed the hair from our eyes, clearing our views for a brief afternoon. 

We talked about our hopes and dreams, our worries and regrets. The loves we haven't gotten over, the loves we never will get over. The sky seemed to suck away our sadness and as we sat on top of the world, overlooking the city of rocks beneath our feet, I felt refreshed. Sad to come back to society, but happy to have reestablished my connection with the world. I felt centered and at peace. 

There is not enough sky in our lives. Not enough natural beauty. We should all get better at checking in with nature instead of Facebook, listening to birds tweet instead of sending our own. I do love the connection social media provides but there is a deeper, more ancient connection sitting just outside of our doors. Spread your roots outside and connect yourself to the sky. 

You can truly never have too much sky or too much love. Go outside and let the sun wipe the tears from your cheeks. Go outside and let the grass hold you when no one else is there. Let the wind rock you to sleep. Go to The City of Rocks and throw your problems over the edge of the world and don't look back down. 

Stay lovely.

6/13/13

-being barely awake at 5:30. roll over darling, you still have hours to sleep.
-sweet little puppy faces cuddling with you in the early morning light streaking into your bedroom.
-sunlit sky so bright so early and so late.  endless possibilities on those horizons.
-dew coated grass kissing your bare feet in the early morning.

-solitude and silence with the rest of the world still in its mid morning slumber.

-cold cokes in the sun soaked afternoon.

-hazy violet, velvet evening skies.
-the pavement sweating as your shoes slip off. you step onto the hot ground, cold winter feet thawing.

-secret smiles flitting across your face, memories of summers past.

-soft winds singing from their perches in the leaves.

-driving free and clear on the open road, middle of the night, no one's watching. no one's hearing. 

-disappear into the light. breathe summer in.

*all images via Tumblr

Hump Day Jams

Summer is such a refreshing season. Even if you are incredibly busy like I am this summer, the sun and the stars of summer skies call for slowing down and relaxing. Life begins again with the summer (Thanks Nick Carraway... I'm gonna throw my cares away this summer too. Hopefully I'll find my Gatsby.)

Great things are going to happen this summer. I cannot wait to see what they are.

For some reason this has been the only song I have craved all week. It's called A Lack of Color by Death Cab for Cutie. This is such a gorgeous song on what I'd argue is one of the best albums of all time. To me it sounds like summer nights spent laying out and relaxing on my driveway staring at the stars, dreaming for the future. Enjoy :)

I liked this cute little video. :)

And when I see you

I really see you upside down.

But my brain knows better

It picks you up and turns you around

Turns you around, turns you around.

If you feel discouraged

That there's a lack of color here.

Please don't worry, lover

It's really bursting at the seams,

from absorbing everything,

The spectrum's A to Z.

This is fact not fiction,

for the first time in years.

All the girls in every girly magazine

Can't make me feel

any less alone.

I'm reaching for the phone

To call at 7:03 and on your machine

I slur a plea for you to come home.

But I know it's too late,

I should have given you a reason to stay,

Given you a reason to stay,

given you a reason to stay,

given you a reason to stay.

This is fact not fiction,

for the first time in years.

Image via Flickr

Neruda

"I love you as certain dark things are loved, secretly, between the shadow and the soul."

Good Old Days

"I wish there was a way to know you're in the good old days before you've actually left them."

Remember when that line was on the finale of The Office? Huge nope nope nope to the heart.

It's so interesting to listen to people in different stages of their lives talk about the good old days. In High School when I cried about a boy my mom would tell me that in college or in five years from now I wouldn't even think about these little problems. JOKES ON YOU I still think about all of it. All. Of. It.

Then in my first two years of college a lot of huge events came up that seemed like the end of the world. And guess what? I got over it. I don't remember the process of getting over certain events. I remember feeling horribly low and then suddenly being ok. The healing process was natural and now everything is just a dull memory that only surfaces sometimes.

I've always found it funny when people talk about "the good old days." Some people consider that to be high school. Some people consider that to be college. Everyone gets the college speech when they leave for their first year. "These are going to be the best years of your life blah blah lifelong friends blah blah experiences blah." What's interesting is that everyone I'm close with had a HORRIBLE first few years of college, myself included. I think part of that is because the experiences we had in High School were so powerfully amazing. We got lucky there, guys. Advanced theater for life.

But what really are the good old days?

One of my best friends moved to Arizona for college. She was home for Christmas and summer and I even got to visit her a few months back. But now her parents have moved to Arizona and we don't know when we will see each other again. The friendship is strong but sadly so is distance.

Last night was the last night the four of us friends were able to have together. As we climbed into my car from Mary's house it felt just like senior year. Only that was four years ago. FOUR YEARS AGO. What have I done with my life in four years? A lot, I know. But I feel the same. I feel different too. Growing up is weird.

Looking supreme at all ages. Niki made this swell collage.

At dinner we reminisced about the first times we all met, awkward school dances, first loves, first heartbreaks, starting college together but apart, and the eventual future unfurling before us. I love reminiscing but it always leaves a little lump at the back of my throat. I'm sad to grow up. I'm sad to move on. I'm sad to make new friends. The thought of not having some of these people that are in my life right now in my life in five years kills me.

But even through the fear and the anticipation there is so much excitement in my soul for the future. I'm moving to Salt Lake so so soon if all goes to plan. I'll be done with dental assisting school in about a month and a half! I get to start my English degree in about 6 months! I get to live on my own again! I get to meet new people and chance new dreams.

I do wish I knew when the good old days were so that I could pay more attention to them while I am in them. I should have cherished so many more of the times I had in the past but that's a little moot now. I have the opportunity now to cherish all of the moments ahead of me.

You really just have to remind yourself that even in the days that feel wasted or the times that feel as though nothing big is happening in your life there are little moments to cherish and remember. Little insignificant things are honestly the sweetest memories I hold in my heart. Graduating high school was amazing but watching the sun rise with my best friends the morning after is much more important. Being able to play Regan in King Lear was amazing but waking up every morning with my dog lying next to me is even more vivid. These small things are the most amazing gifts to cherish.

There is no such thing as the good old days, unless you let there be such a thing as that. Every day is a golden afternoon that should be cherished. You should love each chapter of your life just as much as the last. Sure they are all different; some are harder than others and some are more eventful but without that chapter, the book would be incomplete.

Don't let your days become the good old days without you being aware of it. Be ever present in your life and love every great and terrible, beautiful, moment in it.

John Green, continually nailing it.

Hump Day Jams

It's finally starting to feel like summer. It's so gorgeous outside with the clear blue sky and green trees dancing together. I'm so close to being done with school and I get to do my favorite thing and read outside!

Yesterday my best friend Niki and I took my dogs for a walk and ate the world's biggest corn dogs covered in honey and ketchup. (But really... don't knock this til you try it.) We had snow cones and made cookies and talked and laughed. Twas the world's best day.

Here's looking at you, summer. With a movie I watch a lot every summer. You could say I watch it for... 500 days... OK these jokes are getting out of hand and leading nowhere. I love 500 Days of Summer and it has the best soundtrack. I especially love this song. Perfect for some summer driving.