My favorite place to be in the fall is behind the wheel of my car. Whether I'm alone or with a co pilot, I love leaving the world flying behind my car as I soar through a mountain pass. Ever since I turned 16 I've seen my car as a portal to freedom and a place to go for solace. Winter is hard since I don't want to drive through mountains as much in the snow. It's also essential that these drives have the windows down and that can be quite challenging in the frigid air. Don't get me wrong, I'll do it. It's just not the same as it is in the fall.
I love being brushed by the stinging autumn air while I blast my music, singing until my vocal chords are a tangle in my throat, my lungs burning with release. I like driving in Ogden Canyon. Any canyon really. Give me a place where I can feel alone from people but connected to nature and bonded to the road.
I like seeing the world around me spinning out of control as my mind tries to get a handle on its emotions and thoughts. This month has been a mess and I needed to let go and drive away from life for a while.
It felt nice to escape reality for a while. It's always hard to come back, though. I could just drive on forever.
For lack of better words, it has been a pretty hellacious few days here. My tightrope has been shaking quite a bit and my footing has fallen quite a few times. I'm still missing him like crazy, it feels like my internship will never end, a dear friend of mine is struggling with a break up (sends every hug in the world), and I just found out my grandmother was just diagnosed with cancer. So, this weekend could have been better.
There were a few bright sides this weekend, though. For one thing, my grandmother is just fine. She doesn't feel like it's her time or that it's anything to fret much over. She's still planning a cruise this February with my grandfather and she will be in Europe this summer come hell or high water. She's a soldier. I think I'm probably more upset than she is. I just don't like hearing about cancer in the fam. That hit my clan hard a few years ago and it always shocks my system. But if she's not worried, I'll try to not worry as well. But all good vibes are welcome her way.
Bright side two, a dear dear (I'm saying it Shelby) BEST friend of mine is staying in town and we get to live together :) I'm breaking the news. I'm excited. So thrilled. This girl has become a rock for me. I love you.
Bright side three. I had been missing my favorite bracelet and I found my favorite shirt missing yesterday. I was already emotional so I was just over the edge here you guys. BUT I found both my shirt and my bracelet.
Bright side four. You will never know how much it means to me to have you read my blog. This place is seriously the safest place I feel I have. I can say anything I want here and I love that I've created a home for my words here. The fact that some of you take a few moments out of your day to check in on my small corner of the internet means more to me than I can express in words. So here is just a little thank you from me. In hard times, the little encouragements I find in the comments or in direct emails light up my world. Today I got an email telling me my writing inspired them. But it's you that inspire me. Thank you so much for being here for me. I love you all with my whole heart.
Here's to a bright week ahead full of sun and moon xx
I have a mere two weeks of my internships left. Two weeks until I can get back to my life. Two weeks until I can stop living for others and begin life for myself. Mr. Larsen told me a few weeks back that there is only so much a person can take of sitting in the used grey shadows of the dreams of others before their own dreams come busting forth too powerful to contain.
Life keeps inching forward toward happiness and growth and it's giving me warm visions for the future. You are in every single vision. Every night as the moon crests the mountains and life gets clearer and closer to the finish line of September, your face eases in to my mind like ink rushing across a page. Our hazy grey days keep swimming in my mind and brimming across my eyelids in steady waterfalls.
My inconstant moon- just out of reach- is keeping me up at night. I'll take the moon's indirect gaze until it is ready to warm my nights with it's silver grey light. I feel big things coming. I feel the moon pulling my hand forward like the tides.
I was tagged by the gorgeous Lauren found at The Emerald Dove to take part in the autumn tag! She is fabulous and has perfect taste in everything. Go love her. And you can see the original post over on Georgina's blog Makeup Pixi3. There are links to a bunch of the other tag answers that I loved reading. Thanks Georgina for starting the tag!
So let's get down to tag business!
Here are the questions:
For Autumn, what is your...
1. Favorite thing about it?
2. Favorite drink?
3. Favorite scent/candle?
4. Best lipstick?
5. Go to moisturizer?
6. Go to colors for eyes?
7 Favorite music or band/singer to listen to?
8. Favorite outfit to wear
9. Autumn treat (i.e. a new scarf or bag you have your eye on)
10. Favorite place to be?
1. Favorite thing about it?
I love how new it all feels. The crisp air renews my dedication and my zest for life. I adore summer but sometimes heat drags me down too deep. I love the grey rain clouds rolling in and leaving red leaves behind them as the season changes. I love weather that is slightly melancholic. It makes me feel all artistic and inspired :)
I love working in a coffee shop in the winter and fall because all of the fun seasonal drinks come back. My favorite drink is for sure a chai with a pump of pumpkin spice. Chai is such a warm flavor and having a dash of pumpkin spice gives it a hint of the pumpkin flavor without killing it with sweetness. It is perfect. Also. So is this.
Favorite scent is the working in a coffee shop smell. From autumn until winter is over, it is always a bit busier and everyone is so happy to have their peppermint and pumpkin spice. I love the smell of steamed soy milk so much. That smells like fall to me. Someone make me that candle.
4. Best lipstick?
I really love Revlon Rich Girl Red. It's really a red that pops without being overpowering.
I don't really switch moisturizers based on seasons. My skin is finicky about product change so I stick with my Clean and Clear Advantage oil free Acne Control Moisturizer. It feels so good and smells like a clean baby.
6. Go to color for eyes?
I have been obsessively using an Ulta eye palate all year. But I've recently become obsessed with the color called Social Climber. It's a really dark smokey brown with some sparkle to it. Very much like the leaves in the fall.
My music already is pretty fall sounding I think. I listen to mostly indie folk and acoustic anyway which is perfect for fall. But right now I've been obsessively listening to Mumford and Sons. I've had a very tough time lately and my favorite band always helps. And they just are made for fall. Also every season.
8. Favorite outfit to wear?
I live for wearing my boots and slouchy knit hats. Boots for days, yo. And scarves. Also leggings and dresses. It's all my favorite. But boots are where my heart is.
9. Autumn treat for myself?
I am severely lacking money right now for new treats but I would love some more boots and slouchy sweaters :) So, anyone wanna donate money to my fashion cause?
10. Favorite place to be?
I love taking drives in the mountains in the fall. Driving in my car is the greatest solace I could experience and in the winter, I am unable to take long drives for a few months, which often leaves me moody and feeling really boxed in. It's important on my big car rides that I'm able to have my windows open so in September and October I take advantage of the last few snow free days here and let the wind blow me around the mountains up here.
Took this on my drive today. For real, nature?
YAY fall! I tag everyone to do this. We clearly all love fall and I'd love to know all of your favorites :)
It is ridiculous how much I love this song. I have been fighting the Miley love so so hard. First We Can't Stop was my guilty pleasure, then the VMAs lost me for a hot second. But this. This is perfection. Perfection. Why is this song my week? Give this a listen. Finally she chose to show off her voice, with feeling and power. And utter honesty.
I love the video. So much symbolism I could die. Mmm. Pain is deliciously addictive, girl. You lick that sledgehammer.
I understand this too. I understand how hard it is to try and battle all of these demons without hurting those closest to you. When I feel like the rest of my world is collapsing and misunderstanding me, I destroy the one beautiful thing I have in my life. I never mean to hurt that person, but I always accidentally throw them out of my life. I am so sorry. I hate that I do this. I am so sorry. The most I can do is try to piece us back together after my storm has passed.
The wall of steam pushed against me as hard as you did the moment I came through the door. In your ice box apartment you stood in a towel, dripping on the floor, laughing as you pulled me close. The droplets of water kissed my nose as you kissed my neck. You untied the bow around my waist. You undid my buttons. I slid my coat off and slid onto the couch as you stepped into the kitchen turning back over your shoulder toward me, a half moon smile lighting across your face. Your smile was turquoise that night. It illuminated me.
The music cradled my back as I laid across the love seat, aptly named. Hand in hand on that seat we fought off zombies and doubts. I fed you soup when you were ill, you rubbed my back as I cried. I confessed my shame to your open arms and confessed my love tucked into your chest. Our first date ran long on that seat; our last night cut short. I couldn't see how it would all end as I lay there that night, rocking with the music waiting for my moon to rise again.
You turned the corner again, this time in tight jeans, shirt slung across your back. I could taste the memory forming on my lips, sliding through my spine, stored in the memory card in my brain. You were perfect that night. Your eyebrow rose as you crossed in front of me into the bathroom. I had a perfect view of your flexing back as you brushed your teeth and mussed your hair. With your hands pressed straight into the sink, your shoulder blades kissed, your skin tugged tight. I could see us across the country, hidden away from it all, years from now. I loved you hard and fast in that instant.
I see you so clearly that night on the love seat. I'm still on that love seat, waiting for the new moon to pull back into my sky.
